Wickes Kitchens

[Bubba C]

Who the fuck would have a Wickes kitchen in their home? Cheap shit that will fall apart in 6 months. 

Just heard an advert for them on the radio (or 'wireless' if you're northern), that you can buy them ready to install. 

Thats fucking great news, I'd hate to have to buy a big box of sawdust and be required to compact it into cupboard doors myself. 

[Earl of Punkape]

31 minutes ago, Bubbles said:

Who the fuck would have a Wickes kitchen in their home? Cheap shit that will fall apart in 6 months. 

Just heard an advert for them on the radio (or 'wireless' if you're northern), that you can buy them ready to install. 

Thats fucking great news, I'd hate to have to buy a big box of sawdust and be required to compact it into cupboard doors myself. 

I thought you were just the sort of person who would buy such shit.

It's so obviously shit that it doesn't need highlighting........

 

[Bubba C]

16 minutes ago, Punkape said:

I thought you were just the sort of person who would buy such shit.

It's so obviously shit that it doesn't need highlighting........

 

You cheeky cunt. Solid wood or nothing for me, my simian friend. 

It's a wonder Tesco vouchers aren't given away with every purchase of a kitchen at Wickes. 

[Frank]

What is this shit, bubble? Idiot. 

[Bubba C]

1 minute ago, Frank said:

What is this shit, bubble? Idiot. 

I was just checking if you were alive and kicking as you'd been quiet since your push-up magnum opus.

Now I know that you're safe and well, please kill yourself.  

[Guest luke swarm]

Just now, Bubbles said:

I was just checking if you were alive and kicking as you'd been quiet since your push-up magnum opus.

Now I know that you're safe and well, please kill yourself.  

that's a bit like those cases in America, where the criminal is caught but injured, brought back to full health at great expense, tried, sentenced and executed at great expense.

Anyway back to Wickes Kitchens....are these not ideal for studio flats for the smaller family.......I wonder if anyone on this site has had one installed and can offer up any recommendation.

  

[Cuntybaws]

25 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

Anyway back to Wickes Kitchens....are these not ideal for studio flats for the smaller family.......I wonder if anyone on this site has had one installed and can offer up any recommendation.

Wickes kitchens have their place for the family on a budget with a more, shall we say, bijou residence. You know, the sort of place where there's no room to site a decent side-by-side fridge freezer with an ice maker. I believe they also do a budget bathroom range, so the sort of customer who lives in a tenement with shared bathroom facilities can always go the whole hog and actually install a toilet in the kitchen to avoid having to shit in an oversized bin when caught short after drinking a crate of £10 a bottle rosé.

[Guest Manky]

I live 600 yards from my kitchen. At teatime I phone up and say, "Hey, Abdul, Kebab at number 13, pronto. No salad, I'm not a puff"

I don't know it it is a Wickes kitchen, I have never been in it. The same goes for the one in our house.

[Earl of Punkape]

26 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Wickes kitchens have their place for the family on a budget with a more, shall we say, bijou residence. You know, the sort of place where there's no room to site a decent side-by-side fridge freezer with an ice maker. I believe they also do a budget bathroom range, so the sort of customer who lives in a tenement with shared bathroom facilities can always go the whole hog and actually install a toilet in the kitchen to avoid having to shit in an oversized bin when caught short after drinking a crate of £10 a bottle rosé.

Sounds like you work there.

Pleb.

[Earl of Punkape]

5 minutes ago, Manky said:

I live 600 yards from my kitchen. At teatime I phone up and say, "Hey, Abdul, Kebab at number 13, pronto. No salad, I'm not a puff"

I don't know it it is a Wickes kitchen, I have never been in it. The same goes for the one in our house.

You eat things from Kebab shops ?

How disgusting. You don't know where the owners have been.

 

[Guest luke swarm]

37 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Wickes kitchens have their place for the family on a budget with a more, shall we say, bijou residence. You know, the sort of place where there's no room to site a decent side-by-side fridge freezer with an ice maker. I believe they also do a budget bathroom range, so the sort of customer who lives in a tenement with shared bathroom facilities can always go the whole hog and actually install a toilet in the kitchen to avoid having to shit in an oversized bin when caught short after drinking a crate of £10 a bottle rosé.

I know what you mean now......I suppose someone eventually realised that those people on smaller budgets and less cubic feet of space would also desire faux designer fitted furniture......someone of these new places are so small though.....barely enough room to really stretch out and do some calisthenics such as press-ups or sit ups. 

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

11 minutes ago, Punkape said:

You eat things from Kebab shops ?

How disgusting. You don't know where the owners have been.

 

Up Judges arse.

[Guest Manky]

4 minutes ago, luke swarm said:

I know what you mean now......I suppose someone eventually realised that those people on smaller budgets and less cubic feet of space would also desire faux designer fitted furniture......someone of these new places are so small though.....barely enough room to really stretch out and do some calisthenics such as press-ups or sit ups. 

I once had a flat that a mate said was too small to swing a cat in.

I tried it out, and 4 cats with shattered skulls later, had to agree with him.

[camberwell gypsy]

My kitchen is huge. Its so big it has a kitchen in the kitchen.

[Cuntybaws]

4 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Wickes kitchens have their place for the family on a budget with a more, shall we say, bijou residence. You know, the sort of place where there's no room to site a decent side-by-side fridge freezer with an ice maker. I believe they also do a budget bathroom range, so the sort of customer who lives in a tenement with shared bathroom facilities can always go the whole hog and actually install a toilet in the kitchen to avoid having to shit in an oversized bin when caught short after drinking a crate of £10 a bottle rosé.

I've felt bad all morning about this, and would like to apologise to Frank for jumping on this cheap bandwagon. The poor cunt faces enough unwarranted scorn every day as it is, what with having to walk down the street with his ugly, ugly child.

[Guest Manky]

1 minute ago, Cuntybaws said:

I've felt bad all morning about this, and would like to apologise to Frank for jumping on this cheap bandwagon. The poor cunt faces enough unwarranted scorn every day as it is, what with having to walk down the street with his ugly, ugly child.

Idiot

I will pay Frank royalties for copying his incisive and witty riposte style

[Bubba C]

2 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I've felt bad all morning about this, and would like to apologise to Frank for jumping on this cheap bandwagon. The poor cunt faces enough unwarranted scorn every day as it is, what with having to walk down the street with his ugly, ugly child.

Baws, I think you're being most harsh dragging Frank's offspring into CC. 

Frank may be many things; a limp-wristed lady, a Homer Simpson doppelgänger, a spectacularly thick cunt with shit music taste, a crap dancer and someone incapable of purchasing a matching bin for his cheap kitchen, but abusing his sprog is a bit much.

 

[Cuntybaws]

4 minutes ago, Bubbles said:

Baws, I think you're being most harsh dragging Frank's offspring into CC. 

Frank may be many things; a limp-wristed lady, a Homer Simpson doppelgänger, a spectacularly thick cunt with shit music taste, a crap dancer and someone incapable of purchasing a matching bin for his cheap kitchen, but abusing his sprog is a bit much.

He brought it on himself when he accused Mrs Baws of being bulimic. Propriety aside, he is very well aware that a good Scot never throws away anything they've paid for.

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Bubbles said:

Baws, I think you're being most harsh dragging Frank's offspring into CC. 

Frank may be many things; a limp-wristed lady, a Homer Simpson doppelgänger, a spectacularly thick cunt with shit music taste, a crap dancer and someone incapable of purchasing a matching bin for his cheap kitchen, but abusing his sprog is a bit much.

 

Bawsey is out of fucking control, Bubba. I didn't mind the insinuation that my child suffers from polydactyly, but insinuating that I sired it on Bolo Yeung's sister was a step too fucking far.

[Frank]

39 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

He brought it on himself when he accused Mrs Baws of being bulimic. Propriety aside, he is very well aware that a good Scot never throws away anything they've paid for.

She was thin, baws. You couldn't get a twiglet up her. 

[Bubba C]

46 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Bawsey is out of fucking control, Bubba. I didn't mind the insinuation that my child suffers from polydactyly, but insinuating that I sired it on Bolo Yeung's sister was a step too fucking far.

With a brain that seems like it's wired into the CC mainframe for recalling dates, conversations and cuntings, are we sure that Baws isn't actually a refined version of the Punkape program? 

If the autstic sweaty-sock orders me a washing machine then I'm convinced. 

[Decimus]

41 minutes ago, Bubbles said:

 

If the autstic sweaty-sock orders me a washing machine then I'm convinced. 

Well, you have already been warned by CC's answer to Sara Connor that your impending doom is nigh.

Within ten years your home will be invaded by white goods until it resembles a Comet outlet. I'm not sure how you will survive the conveniences of the modern world, Bubba, chest freezers and SMEG fridges are inherently evil according to The Wise One.

Your only hope is that an expressionless, humourless, simple-minded, leather chaps wearing automaton from the future saves you from the perils of your tumble dryer.

Ding, your time has come. Rescue us from the horrors of high quality, low cost white goods. You're our only hope.

[Mrs Roops]

6 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Well, you have already been warned by CC's answer to Sara Connor that your impending doom is nigh.

Within ten years your home will be invaded by white goods until it resembles a Comet outlet. I'm not sure how you will survive the conveniences of the modern world, Bubba, chest freezers and SMEG fridges are inherently evil according to The Wise One.

Your only hope is that an expressionless, humourless, simple-minded, leather chaps wearing automaton from the future saves you from the perils of your tumble dryer.

Ding, your time has come. Rescue us from the horrors of high quality, low cost white goods. You're our only hope.

Indeed, of course one of the first casualties of AI will be the lower ranking jobsworth types employed solely to process by rote administrative procedures conceived by more senior and cleverer bods who haven't been lobotomised as a condition of employment.

[Decimus]

10 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

Indeed, of course one of the first casualties of AI will be the lower ranking jobsworth types employed solely to process by rote administrative procedures conceived by more senior and cleverer bods who haven't been lobotomised as a condition of employment.

Indeed. Likewise sex dolls will become so realistic that there will no longer be any demand for clearly past it old slappers to expose themselves on the internet.

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Bubbles said:

Baws, I think you're being most harsh dragging Frank's offspring into CC. 

Frank may be many things; a limp-wristed lady, a Homer Simpson doppelgänger, a spectacularly thick cunt with shit music taste, a crap dancer and someone incapable of purchasing a matching bin for his cheap kitchen, but abusing his sprog is a bit much.

 

I quite liked his bin.