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Cunts Who Don't Use Their Garages To Park Their Cars And Then Subsequently Fill Them Full Of Shit And Spend The Entire Weekend "Tinkering" Inside Them

Decimus

By Decimus
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Decimus

Decimus

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I've got a room at the back of my house with a few bits of exercise equipment in, and I've spent a couple of hours yesterday and today pounding my arse bloody on an exercise bike. Said chafer faces a window which overlooks my neighbour's garage. Being a nosey cunt, I couldn't help but notice that when he opened it up, it was full of various oddments, namely tacky fucking shit you'd not expect to see outside of your great grandmother's "precious" drawer. Chipped ornaments, hundreds of old yellowing newspapers and a few Oswald Moseley figurines. This cunt has got the lot when it comes to tat, and has spent the entire weekend "tinkering" with it. These were his own words when his wife, who also looks like something he has picked up at a car boot sale, shouted and asked what he was doing: "Just tinkering darling, I'll only be another seventeen fucking hours".

His "tinkering" has created an almighty fucking racket all weekend, the sort of diabolical din you wouldn't expect to hear anywhere but a Barnardo's charity shop offering a two-for-one-cheap-shit-early-bird special in the middle of Nuneaton.

The next time he decides to "tinker" I'm going to put his car where it belongs, namely by driving it at forty miles an hour into his Godawful fucking shit-jumble whilst he's bent over tinkering with his own arsehole.

Tramp fucking cunt.

 

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Guest judgetwi

Guest judgetwi

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This is what happens when you have the misfortune to live next door to an empty headed, pointless, up his own arse, boring fucking cunt.

If I was him i’d move.

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Eric Cuntman

Eric Cuntman

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42 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I've got a room at the back of my house with a few bits of exercise equipment in, and I've spent a couple of hours yesterday and today pounding my arse bloody on an exercise bike. Said chafer faces a window which overlooks my neighbour's garage. Being a nosey cunt, I couldn't help but notice that when he opened it up, it was full of various oddments, namely tacky fucking shit you'd not expect to see outside of your great grandmother's "precious" drawer. Chipped ornaments, hundreds of old yellowing newspapers and a few Oswald Moseley figurines. This cunt has got the lot when it comes to tat, and has spent the entire weekend "tinkering" with it. These were his own words when his wife, who also looks like something he has picked up at a car boot sale, shouted and asked what he was doing: "Just tinkering darling, I'll only be another seventeen fucking hours".

His "tinkering" has created an almighty fucking racket all weekend, the sort of diabolical din you wouldn't expect to hear anywhere but a Barnardo's charity shop offering a two-for-one-cheap-shit-early-bird special in the middle of Nuneaton.

The next time he decides to "tinker" I'm going to put his car where it belongs, namely by driving it at forty miles an hour into his Godawful fucking shit-jumble whilst he's bent over tinkering with his own arsehole.

Tramp fucking cunt.

 

You should have just strolled outside, slapped yourself on the head, exclaiming "I DOOONT BELIEEEVE IT!", then offer to look after their pets when they go on holiday, and accidentally kill them in a slapstick, comedic fashion.

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Decimus

Decimus

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23 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Do you not have a garage then? And anyhow, rather than take the nancyboy option of fucking about on an exercise bike get your fucking arse outside on a proper bike, preferably with an Ipswich football shirt and no crash helmet.

Of course I've got a garage, I don't live on the fucking Heartsease.

As for road cycling, I'm not a deliveroo employee or a middle-aged, bungalow obsessed wanker who delights in putting on a flashing spastic helmet whilst causing five mile tailbacks on the B1140.

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Decimus

Decimus

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53 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You should have just strolled outside, slapped yourself on the head, exclaiming "I DOOONT BELIEEEVE IT!", then offer to look after their pets when they go on holiday, and accidentally kill them in a slapstick, comedic fashion.

I'd rather a hermit crab attached itself to his second-hand ballbag.

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ratcum

ratcum

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Proper nom amongst the usual peaky dross. I have rejected more than one potential house purchase based on the Bo and Luke parking observed nearby. Only last year we looked at an 'exclusive development' (lol), nothing shy of 500 thou, and it was like a secondhand car lot. Scum with money should be gassed.

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Cunty BigBollox

Cunty BigBollox

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So let me get this right. You spent a couple of hours on an exercise bike yesterday. Was this before or after you were smoking your woodbines at your back door and heard your neighbour calling their cat. I smell Bullshit, the same fucking Bullshit you spouted the other day when you knew where all the gay bars are but had never been in one.

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Decimus

Decimus

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23 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

So let me get this right. You spent a couple of hours on an exercise bike yesterday. Was this before or after you were smoking your woodbines at your back door and heard your neighbour calling their cat. I smell Bullshit, the same fucking Bullshit you spouted the other day when you knew where all the gay bars are but had never been in one.

The "Carl" incident was Friday, at least it would have been, if I hadn't already explained more than once that I'd made the whole thing up.

Please try and keep up, you scabrous fucking simpleton. 

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Ape™️

Ape™️

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1 minute ago, Decimus said:

The "Carl" incident was Friday, at least it would have been, if I hadn't already explained more than once that I'd made the whole thing.

Please try and keep up, you scabrous fucking simpleton. 

He’s probably preoccupied with running a full level 3 power diagnostic routine on his Nokia, so he can go to Wetherspoons and mock all the idiots stealing electricity. As you correctly point out: fucking simpleton.

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Decimus

Decimus

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11 minutes ago, Ape said:

He’s probably preoccupied with running a full level 3 power diagnostic routine on his Nokia, so he can go to Wetherspoons and mock all the idiots stealing electricity. As you correctly point out: fucking simpleton.

As much as I try, I can't imagine Drew operating a mobile phone. Even with his pensioner-friendly 5cm squared buttoned device, I doubt the drunken cunt has got the dexterity to type out a coherent message.

I imagine that receiving a text from him is like experiencing your child's first attempt at writing its own name.

Drew, up your game, you vile fucking weasel. You're living a 21st century cyber version of "A Rake's progress" and I've no doubt that you'll spend your final days here in a similar fashion, frothing in The Cooler whilst shitting out your cirrhotic liver.

In every conceivable and measurable way, you are absolutely fucking shit.

Get fucked.

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Decimus

Decimus

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35 minutes ago, Neil said:

I've spent all weekend 'tinkering' in my garage,now my balls ache and the smell has got worse!

Any serial killer and rapist worth their salt would have a decent ventilation system rigged up.

You'll get no sympathy from me.

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Guest judgetwi

Guest judgetwi

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27 minutes ago, ratcum said:

I wish someone would call me Ravensbrück Rat

😁😁😃😃😆😆

You and your extermination camp humour......you’re such a cheeky scamp. I bet you would have been a great laugh on the Titanic.

Mazal tov Herr Oberst.

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Guest Wizardsleeve

Guest Wizardsleeve

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I'd say the cunt was either preparing to attempt a jewish lightning insurance fraud, or hoping some sympathetic neighbor will do it for him.  A can of petrol and a road flare will sort all of his problems.  

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Decimus

Decimus

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17 minutes ago, Ape said:

This comment could equally be aimed at Withers - what a pair of fucking idiots. Tesco, beans, helicopters, Airfix, lol lol lol.

Vivre, you wouldn't get into my golf club, herpees, cancer, balsa wood, peasant, Eddie.

I think that just about covers their entire repertoire. What a back catalogue of absolute fucking shit.

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