Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 We’ve got four of these cunts. All funded, fed and fuckin watered for knocking on for a quarter of a century…and they’re crap. I’ve done some basic calculations and two of them through private schools (they’d have done academically better at Borstal) three of them through university (where they learned how to get in debt and smoke weed) four sets of driving lessons, four cars bought, taxed and insured, and can I get a lift home from the alehouse? Can I fuck. In short they’re a useless bunch of ingrate cunts. The last time I saw the lads was when they very kindly visited us on their 21st birthdays to collect their engraved and expensive watches (one of the cunts has flogged his we’ve since found out!) This weekend , me and Mrs Cnut rang the youngest girl for a lift home from the boozer and were told ‘if you can fill my petrol tank up please!’ The wife didn’t hang the phone up properly apparently, we were heard commenting that she was only conceived after a shite, drunken five minute shag (I argued it was nearer ten minutes!) Now we’re ‘disgusting and vile’ and she’s ignoring us and doubtless emotionally damaged. A five mile lift home was ‘not economically viable’ apparently…this little cow spent £900 on a pair of Italian ‘sneakers’ that look like breezeblocks with laces only last week. Father’s Day gifts amounted to two shite bottles of wine and a mug with ‘miserable cunt’ printed on it. Even the fuckin dog bought me aftershave AND wrote a card out and he’s cost fuck all and he hasn’t got a job but at least he hasn’t got his paw out all the time and he does seem pleased to see me most days. I wish I’d spoffed my two cunts into a crusty sock. The wife agrees and we’re downsizing to stop them coming back…ever! Cunts. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 Some cunts never learn. I only have one of these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 2 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said: Some cunts never learn. I only have one of these. I ‘inherited’ two of the twats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 17 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said: We’ve got four of these cunts, none of them planned (by me anyway!) All funded, fed and fuckin watered for knocking on for a quarter of a century…and they’re crap. I’ve done some basic calculations and two of them through private schools (they’d have done academically better at Borstal) three of them through university (where they learned how to get in debt and smoke weed) four sets of driving lessons, four cars bought, taxed and insured, and can I get a lift home from the alehouse? Can I fuck. In short they’re a useless bunch of ingrate cunts. The last time I saw the lads was when they very kindly visited us on their 21st birthdays to collect their engraved and expensive watches (one of the cunts has flogged his we’ve since found out!) This weekend , me and Mrs Cnut rang the youngest girl for a lift home from the boozer and were told ‘if you can fill my petrol tank up please!’ The wife didn’t hang the phone up properly apparently, we were heard commenting that she was only conceived after a shite, drunken five minute shag (I argued it was nearer ten minutes!) Now we’re ‘disgusting and vile’ and she’s ignoring us and doubtless emotionally damaged. A five mile lift home was ‘not economically viable’ apparently…this little cow spent £900 on a pair of Italian ‘sneakers’ that look like breezeblocks with laces only last week. Father’s Day gifts amounted to two shite bottles of wine and a mug with ‘miserable cunt’ printed on it. Even fuckin dog bought me aftershave AND wrote a card out and he’s cost fuck all and he hasn’t got a job but at least he hasn’t got his paw out all the time and he does seem pleased to see me most days. I wish I’d spoffed all four of the cunts into a crusty sock. The wife agrees and we’re downsizing to stop them coming back…ever! Cunts. It’s not that hard to deal with parasitic family members. You need to adopt a full-on self-serving, demanding attitude and the problem will take care of itself. Shine as the family’s biggest parasite; destroy competition. You will be despised but so what? Unless they change their behaviour, it’s only fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 27 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said: I’ve done some basic calculations... You seem to have gone off, understandably, on a tangential diatribe without ever sharing the results of your calculations. Please let us know the approximate bottom line number, because schadenfreude is one of the few things that gets us through the day on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 33 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said: I ‘inherited’ two of the twats. "inherited"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: You seem to have gone off, understandably, on a tangential diatribe without ever sharing the results of your calculations. Please let us know the approximate bottom line number, because schadenfreude is one of the few things that gets us through the day on here. Put it this way Bawsy. I could have hired the last ten Miss Worlds and fucked them all senseless for a week in the Penthouse suite of the Burj Al Arab surrounded by cases of Krüg and Crystal champagne and a kilo of Columbia’s finest marching powder. Flown home, 1st class and popped into the nearest Ferrari showroom and bought myself a brand new convertible…and I would still have enough change to pay for a taxi home from that alehouse at the weekend. I’ve given this a lot of thought, see? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, Dawn Chorus said: "inherited"? Stepcunts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 23 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said: Stepcunts. Aren't you supposed to throw them ones off a cliff or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 1 hour ago, Dyslexic cnut said: We’ve got four of these cunts. All funded, fed and fuckin watered for knocking on for a quarter of a century…and they’re crap. I’ve done some basic calculations and two of them through private schools (they’d have done academically better at Borstal) three of them through university (where they learned how to get in debt and smoke weed) four sets of driving lessons, four cars bought, taxed and insured, and can I get a lift home from the alehouse? Can I fuck. In short they’re a useless bunch of ingrate cunts. The last time I saw the lads was when they very kindly visited us on their 21st birthdays to collect their engraved and expensive watches (one of the cunts has flogged his we’ve since found out!) This weekend , me and Mrs Cnut rang the youngest girl for a lift home from the boozer and were told ‘if you can fill my petrol tank up please!’ The wife didn’t hang the phone up properly apparently, we were heard commenting that she was only conceived after a shite, drunken five minute shag (I argued it was nearer ten minutes!) Now we’re ‘disgusting and vile’ and she’s ignoring us and doubtless emotionally damaged. A five mile lift home was ‘not economically viable’ apparently…this little cow spent £900 on a pair of Italian ‘sneakers’ that look like breezeblocks with laces only last week. Father’s Day gifts amounted to two shite bottles of wine and a mug with ‘miserable cunt’ printed on it. Even fuckin dog bought me aftershave AND wrote a card out and he’s cost fuck all and he hasn’t got a job but at least he hasn’t got his paw out all the time and he does seem pleased to see me most days. I wish I’d spoffed all four of the cunts into a crusty sock. The wife agrees and we’re downsizing to stop them coming back…ever! Cunts. I still can't get rid of my eldest. Married with 2 delightful grandsons who are adorable. Bought a big house in the sticks but made sure I have my own sitting room where I can lock the door and get away from them. Lend her and her hubby 120k to buy their share of the house and are paying me back monthly. No doubt I'll be singing in the heavenly choir before it's all paid back, but fuck it. I did this because she and the sprogs spend more time at mine anyway. At least it'll be her who's wiping the mashed potato off my chin and changing the colostomy bag and not some fucking underpaid Ugandan in a care home. I hope 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 Happy families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 38 minutes ago, Roadkill said: Aren't you supposed to throw them ones off a cliff or something? He's not a Spartan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 Are you Catholic? Condoms ain't that expensive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 28 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: I still can't get rid of my eldest. Married with 2 delightful grandsons who are adorable. Bought a big house in the sticks but made sure I have my own sitting room where I can lock the door and get away from them. Lend her and her hubby 120k to buy their share of the house and are paying me back monthly. No doubt I'll be singing in the heavenly choir before it's all paid back, but fuck it. I did this because she and the sprogs spend more time at mine anyway. At least it'll be her who's wiping the mashed potato off my chin and changing the colostomy bag and not some fucking underpaid Ugandan in a care home. I hope That’s why we’re downsizing soon. They can shove whatever they churn out up their arses…I’m not fuckin interested. Me & her are gonna spunk their inheritances and die in debt… fuck ‘em all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said: We’ve got four of these cunts. All funded, fed and fuckin watered for knocking on for a quarter of a century…and they’re crap. I’ve done some basic calculations and two of them through private schools (they’d have done academically better at Borstal) three of them through university (where they learned how to get in debt and smoke weed) four sets of driving lessons, four cars bought, taxed and insured, and can I get a lift home from the alehouse? Can I fuck. In short they’re a useless bunch of ingrate cunts. The last time I saw the lads was when they very kindly visited us on their 21st birthdays to collect their engraved and expensive watches (one of the cunts has flogged his we’ve since found out!) This weekend , me and Mrs Cnut rang the youngest girl for a lift home from the boozer and were told ‘if you can fill my petrol tank up please!’ The wife didn’t hang the phone up properly apparently, we were heard commenting that she was only conceived after a shite, drunken five minute shag (I argued it was nearer ten minutes!) Now we’re ‘disgusting and vile’ and she’s ignoring us and doubtless emotionally damaged. A five mile lift home was ‘not economically viable’ apparently…this little cow spent £900 on a pair of Italian ‘sneakers’ that look like breezeblocks with laces only last week. Father’s Day gifts amounted to two shite bottles of wine and a mug with ‘miserable cunt’ printed on it. Even fuckin dog bought me aftershave AND wrote a card out and he’s cost fuck all and he hasn’t got a job but at least he hasn’t got his paw out all the time and he does seem pleased to see me most days. I wish I’d spoffed all four of the cunts into a crusty sock. The wife agrees and we’re downsizing to stop them coming back…ever! Cunts. Good nomination DC. I'm fortunate enough to have been blessed with common sense at a young age and consequently decided not to create any future shitcunts. We all have a need to love, and be loved in return. But it's a scientific fact that 90% of humans are fucking wankers. That means you need to have 10 kids to end up with one that isn't a fucking wanker. Makes more sense to rescue a cat or dog from a rehoming centre. You get love, loyalty and affection, and the most unpleasant thing they'll bring home is a dead mouse. Not a black boyfriend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said: I wish I’d spoffed all four of the cunts into a crusty sock. The wife agrees and we’re downsizing to stop them coming back…ever! Cunts. 4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said: I ‘inherited’ two of the twats. 3 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said: Stepcunts. Sorry you’ve lost me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Good nomination DC. I'm fortunate enough to have been blessed with common sense at a young age and consequently decided not to create any future shitcunts. We all have a need to love, and be loved in return. But it's a scientific fact that 90% of humans are fucking wankers. That means you need to have 10 kids to end up with one that isn't a fucking wanker. Makes more sense to rescue a cat or dog from a rehoming centre. You get love, loyalty and affection, and the most unpleasant thing they'll bring home is a dead mouse. Not a black boyfriend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 To the envy of many of my more careless mates, I have reached my early sixties without ever having changed a nappy. I have also never used an iron and have nether shaved nor worn a tie since the day I left school in 1978. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadkill Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 1 minute ago, Hammer of Cunts said: To the envy of many of my more careless mates, I have reached my early sixties without ever having changed a nappy. I have also never used an iron and have nether shaved nor worn a tie since the day I left school in 1978. I don't want to dox you, but I think I know who you are: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cocky Council Cake Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 3 minutes ago, Hammer of Cunts said: To the envy of many of my more careless mates, I have reached my early sixties without ever having changed a nappy. I have also never used an iron and have nether shaved nor worn a tie since the day I left school in 1978. Don't worry, you'll soon have plenty of soiled nappies to change - your own! Lol lol lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 28 minutes ago, Roadkill said: I don't want to dox you, but I think I know who you are: It's either him or Father Christmas. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 48 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: Sorry you’ve lost me. You get my drift…I pay for them pair and never even had the pleasure of blowing me beans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 9 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said: You get my drift… I get that you went from having four biological children to two in about three posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 23, 2021 Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 I've got three and whilst they drive me to fucking drink, I love the little shits with all my heart. My eldest is a bit of a wet blanket and a mummy's boy, but he's a borderline genius and that gives him huge kudos with me. The middle boy is a tearaway, funny and a talented sportsman. And as for my two year old daughter, I'd rip the fucking head off of any cunt who so much looked at her in the wrong way. DC, I'm assuming this is all hyperbole and bluster, at least I fucking hope so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dyslexic cnut Posted June 23, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2021 1 minute ago, Ape™️ said: I get that you went from having four biological children to two in about three posts. Apologies Ape, I was fuming when I posted. The kitchen has been left like a bomb has hit it and the dishwasher’s full again c/o junior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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