American shithouses.

[Decimus]

So, as previously mentioned, I was in America last week. Now, as a proud alcohol and curry guzzling Englishman, who is also partial to the odd berrocca, I love taking a leisurely shit. But American toilets, even though they are in the main inhabited by chuckling, morbidly obese simpletons, are like Dante's seventh circle of hell. The first thing I noticed as I proudly mounted the shitter, was that my cock and balls were half submerged in water, mixed with my own piss. The water level is nearly over the rim over there, and I can only assume it's like that to soothe the bed sores of housebound 20 stone leviathans. As soon as you unload, your shit then proceeds to rhythmically bash against your John Thomas like your indulging in a perverse game of German scat-billiards. The final fucking indignity is the lack of fucking privacy. All the cubicle doors have huge gaps in, so any passing pervert can have a good peep at your strained, beetroot coloured face. At one point I actually made eye contact with an Asian Bronx dweller, who steadfastly refused to lower his eyes in fucking shame as I furiously wiped in outrage. My advice is to just shit in the sink if you ever go over there. Cunts.

 

[Guest yariman]

Why would you go somewhere like America Decs?  Norfolk and Suffolk are full of spectacularly inbred and backwards folk - do you really need to plumb the depths further? The image of you straining on the shitter and virtually paddling in your own cess is doing nothing for me... welcome back

[Guest Snatch]

Welcome back Decs. Now,from what I can work out,mentioning cubicle doors and a brother from the 'hood peeping through the gap,it sounds like you used a public lavatory,for pissing shitting and generally sticking your cock through a hole if your George Michael.

Are you sure it just wasn't blocked with toilet paper,tramps and used condoms like any public shithole in the UK?

[Cuntybaws]

Decs, I fear you may have confused one of their omnipresent 9/11 remembrance fountains with a toilet. On the plus side, I can only imagine that your effluent improved it, whatever it was.

[Decimus]

Why would you go somewhere like America Decs?  Norfolk and Suffolk are full of spectacularly inbred and backwards folk - do you really need to plumb the depths further? The image of you straining on the shitter and virtually paddling in your own cess is doing nothing for me... welcome back

I originally went labouring under the misapprehension that the English accent was like catnip to American slutty women. Unfortunately, my singing postman variation of it appeared to do nothing for them.

 It's a shame that image did nothing for you, I was going to PM you some video footage and selfies that I took. If you change your mind let me know,I've had some t-shirts printed off with some screen shot motifs on them.

Oh and by the way, please don't lower the tone of an otherwise intellectual thread by mentioning Suffolk. It offends me.

[White Cunt]

It wasn't one of those, was it?

[Guest luke swarm]

ah....toilet humour, always a winner and may I say as a seasoned traveller I have some experience in this category.

UK : Usually blocked and toilet seat missing so the piss deposited on porcelain can be enjoyed fully, experts at this are backstreet boozers.

Germany: the continental shelf. clean but this desire to inspect ones excreta to check for worms is a teutonic obsession, apparently because of all the rare meat they consume   

USA: as described by Decimus, a bowl overfilled with H2O and splashback potential hazardous especially if offering is runny.

India:  If ones anus is located 3 inches further up one back crevice and your excreta expels horizontally then this cak stained model will suit your needs, no toilet paper provided but a refreshing bowl of water left out to quench ones thirst after all that effort.

Africa: The long drop...two boards over a hole that is nightmarish in its darkness and holds unseen horrors, no door provided to enhance the evacuation experience.

Feel free to add other notable water cabinet engineering masterpieces.      

Edited September 22, 2015 by luke swarm

[colonelkurtz]

your actual germanic wc bowl is a crafty fucker .... all appears normal ... drop kecks .. sit down .. curl one out ... what a fucking stench ,,,the jobbie is sat there on it's own little ledge steaming and smiling up at you and   " ready for inspection saah ! "

[Guest Drew P Pissflaps]

I quite like the fragrances from having a ledge but I get a bit tearful with the long goodbyes. Worms Armageddon!

[camberwell gypsy]

So, as previously mentioned, I was in America last week. Now, as a proud alcohol and curry guzzling Englishman, who is also partial to the odd berrocca, I love taking a leisurely shit. But American toilets, even though they are in the main inhabited by chuckling, morbidly obese simpletons, are like Dante's seventh circle of hell. The first thing I noticed as I proudly mounted the shitter, was that my cock and balls were half submerged in water, mixed with my own piss. The water level is nearly over the rim over there, and I can only assume it's like that to soothe the bed sores of housebound 20 stone leviathans. As soon as you unload, your shit then proceeds to rhythmically bash against your John Thomas like your indulging in a perverse game of German scat-billiards. The final fucking indignity is the lack of fucking privacy. All the cubicle doors have huge gaps in, so any passing pervert can have a good peep at your strained, beetroot coloured face. At one point I actually made eye contact with an Asian Bronx dweller, who steadfastly refused to lower his eyes in fucking shame as I furiously wiped in outrage. My advice is to just shit in the sink if you ever go over there. Cunts.

 

Hahahahahahahahaha! That is one of the funniest things I've read on here. Nearly pissed myself

So, as previously mentioned, I was in America last week. Now, as a proud alcohol and curry guzzling Englishman, who is also partial to the odd berrocca, I love taking a leisurely shit. But American toilets, even though they are in the main inhabited by chuckling, morbidly obese simpletons, are like Dante's seventh circle of hell. The first thing I noticed as I proudly mounted the shitter, was that my cock and balls were half submerged in water, mixed with my own piss. The water level is nearly over the rim over there, and I can only assume it's like that to soothe the bed sores of housebound 20 stone leviathans. As soon as you unload, your shit then proceeds to rhythmically bash against your John Thomas like your indulging in a perverse game of German scat-billiards. The final fucking indignity is the lack of fucking privacy. All the cubicle doors have huge gaps in, so any passing pervert can have a good peep at your strained, beetroot coloured face. At one point I actually made eye contact with an Asian Bronx dweller, who steadfastly refused to lower his eyes in fucking shame as I furiously wiped in outrage. My advice is to just shit in the sink if you ever go over there. Cunts.

 

CCs own Alan Whicker

I once went camping on yellow hammer lake in Ontario many years ago. The toilet was a structure you usually see in 1980s cowboy movies (remember Young Guns) on the edge of the woods that contained a hole in planks of wood. If you needed a shit in the middle of the night you took the torch with you with the warning "Whatever you do, do NOT shine the torch down the fucking hole because whatever's down there will come up towards the light". Fuck that thought yours truly. I shat in the lake.

Unfortunately a young Coleen from Ireland shone the torch down the hole and her screams cut through the night. She taken away by her parents. Fuck knows what came for her

Edited September 22, 2015 by camberwell gypsy

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

So, as previously mentioned, I was in America last week. Now, as a proud alcohol and curry guzzling Englishman, who is also partial to the odd berrocca, I love taking a leisurely shit. But American toilets, even though they are in the main inhabited by chuckling, morbidly obese simpletons, are like Dante's seventh circle of hell. The first thing I noticed as I proudly mounted the shitter, was that my cock and balls were half submerged in water, mixed with my own piss. The water level is nearly over the rim over there, and I can only assume it's like that to soothe the bed sores of housebound 20 stone leviathans. As soon as you unload, your shit then proceeds to rhythmically bash against your John Thomas like your indulging in a perverse game of German scat-billiards. The final fucking indignity is the lack of fucking privacy. All the cubicle doors have huge gaps in, so any passing pervert can have a good peep at your strained, beetroot coloured face. At one point I actually made eye contact with an Asian Bronx dweller, who steadfastly refused to lower his eyes in fucking shame as I furiously wiped in outrage. My advice is to just shit in the sink if you ever go over there. Cunts.

 

You were relegated to the peasants shitter?  I've only been to wanky-Yank land a few times, but have only ever used executive facilities, free from the crusted seats and glory holes you endured. 

[Guest Bill Stickers]

So, as previously mentioned, I was in America last week. Now, as a proud alcohol and curry guzzling Englishman, who is also partial to the odd berrocca, I love taking a leisurely shit. But American toilets, even though they are in the main inhabited by chuckling, morbidly obese simpletons, are like Dante's seventh circle of hell. The first thing I noticed as I proudly mounted the shitter, was that my cock and balls were half submerged in water, mixed with my own piss. The water level is nearly over the rim over there, and I can only assume it's like that to soothe the bed sores of housebound 20 stone leviathans. As soon as you unload, your shit then proceeds to rhythmically bash against your John Thomas like your indulging in a perverse game of German scat-billiards. The final fucking indignity is the lack of fucking privacy. All the cubicle doors have huge gaps in, so any passing pervert can have a good peep at your strained, beetroot coloured face. At one point I actually made eye contact with an Asian Bronx dweller, who steadfastly refused to lower his eyes in fucking shame as I furiously wiped in outrage. My advice is to just shit in the sink if you ever go over there. Cunts.

 

Either you've got a cock like mandingo, or you were shitting in the sink lad.

[Jiggerycock]

You've not lived until you've sunk the Tirpitz in a Greek chod-bin.

Think the scene in 'Trainspotting' where Renton retrieves his wrap from the mankiest toilet in Scotland (ask Baws if you don't know what I'm shiteing on about - he'll learn yers!)

Got that vignette firmly fixed in your mind? Good.

Now add 'Eau de Bobby Sands-era H-Block' aroma.

Throw in badly scribbled donky-porn graffiti on the walls and used shitwipes in open bin but one foot away. Simmer in sweltering 90 degree heat and top off with Greek bloke in next cubicle grunting 'Hey! Eeeengleesh! You are sometimes gay, yes?' and you have the whole sorry tableau in all it's depressing glory.

[Guest deebom]

You lot know far too much about bogs. I just shit where I stand,

[Neil]

Isn't Donald Trump one of these?

[Witheredscrote]

Another classic from Dec's pre ' lets get Ding ' period.  15 posts of sheer delight, ending with a comment from Neil that was tempting fate.

 

 

Edited June 17, 2017 by Witheredscrote
no fuck offs, no idiots, no Bubba

[Guest Snatch]

2 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Another classic from Dec's pre ' lets get Ding ' period.  15 posts of sheer delight, ending with a comment from Neil that was tempting fate.

 

 

This is the second time you've found this out Scroters. i think we can safely say that before the welsh grass joined it was all peace and harmony on The Corner. Ding wasn't constantly slagged off and then shouts of grass from the actual grass himself were not to be heard.

[Witheredscrote]

39 minutes ago, Snatch said:

This is the second time you've found this out Scroters. i think we can safely say that before the welsh grass joined it was all peace and harmony on The Corner. Ding wasn't constantly slagged off and then shouts of grass from the actual grass himself were not to be heard.

Believe me, there were many more great noms before that fateful day of 6th February, 2016. How  Admin must rue the day when they granted that Welsh sheep tick membership. ( ticks live in grass and latch on to things you know )

[Stubby Pecker]

15 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Another classic from Dec's pre ' lets get Ding ' period.  15 posts of sheer delight, ending with a comment from Neil that was tempting fate.

 

 

This was the standard when I joined, laugh out loud funny. Come on withers old bean, give us another

[Eric Cuntman]

31 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

This was the standard when I joined, laugh out loud funny. Come on withers old bean, give us another

Free the Norfolk 1

[Witheredscrote]

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Free the Norfolk 1

I wouldn't go that far, the bloke was an absolute cunt

[Eric Cuntman]

8 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I wouldn't go that far, the bloke was an absolute cunt

We all are, that's why we're here. Quincy for example is an unprecedented megacunt, but he makes me laugh.

[Stubby Pecker]

7 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

We all are, that's why we're here. Quincy for example is an unprecedented megacunt, but he makes me laugh.

Outta likes, come on cockfingers crawl back and take some shit and offer some, orally

[Eric Cuntman]

7 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Outta likes, come on cockfingers crawl back and take some shit and offer some, orally

On the subject of likes, I got one from Ratty, and he took it back again, but I fucking got one and he knows it, deny it all he wants. Anyway, yes Quincy needs to return and have a shite in some mouths. Gurt's very quiet these days, I wonder why?

[camberwell gypsy]

On 2015-9-22 at 7:59 PM, luke swarm said:

ah....toilet humour, always a winner and may I say as a seasoned traveller I have some experience in this category.

UK : Usually blocked and toilet seat missing so the piss deposited on porcelain can be enjoyed fully, experts at this are backstreet boozers.

Germany: the continental shelf. clean but this desire to inspect ones excreta to check for worms is a teutonic obsession, apparently because of all the rare meat they consume   

USA: as described by Decimus, a bowl overfilled with H2O and splashback potential hazardous especially if offering is runny.

India:  If ones anus is located 3 inches further up one back crevice and your excreta expels horizontally then this cak stained model will suit your needs, no toilet paper provided but a refreshing bowl of water left out to quench ones thirst after all that effort.

Africa: The long drop...two boards over a hole that is nightmarish in its darkness and holds unseen horrors, no door provided to enhance the evacuation experience.

Feel free to add other notable water cabinet engineering masterpieces.      

Was in Canada back in 1980 and went camping with these fucking maniacs I was staying with. We were staying in caravans or 'trailers' as they call them by a lake on the edge of a forest. If you needed a shit during the night, you had to take a torch and lump it into the woods to a wooden shit hut, the type you see in cowboy films, with the explicit instruction of "whatever you do, DO NOT shine the torch down the hole because whatever's down there will come up". One of my cousin's had to take a dump at 2am and reluctantly stepped out of the trailer and out into the night. 3 minutes later a blood curdling scream split the night. She'd shone the torch down the hole. She spent the rest of the trip, sitting on the bed rocking backward and forward, staring into the distance. She never spoke of what she'd seen on that night.