The Beast Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 What's 12 foot in length and stinks of piss? The conga in a residential home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 I wonder what the media would call it if there was ever a scandal about a gate? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted October 30, 2016 Report Share Posted October 30, 2016 6 hours ago, The Beast said: What's 12 foot in length and stinks of piss? The conga in a residential home. Withers'sss body bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 17 hours ago, The Beast said: What's 12 foot in length and stinks of piss? The conga in a residential home. The spunk stained carpet between Spunkers bed and his karsy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted October 31, 2016 Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 I played a gig at an old folks home the other evening. Not sure if they appreciated it, but they pissed themselves anyway. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted October 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2016 I love trick or treat night. Home delivery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted November 11, 2016 Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 The Cock Inn, located in the pretty Hertfordshire village of Herbum serves some of the finest locally brewed ales. The proud landlady, Lucy Lykes, is always cheery and welcoming. People from the nearby town of Tillet will make the short journey to enjoy the wonderful hospitality, in preference to their local public houses. For any further information, contact details below. Lucy Lykes The Cock Inn Herbum Tillet Herts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 11, 2016 Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Pile of shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 I went to the penis enlargement clinic and asked for a quote. "I can do you a deal," he replied. "Ten percent off." "Listen mate," I said. "I want it made bigger, not ten percent smaller." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted November 13, 2016 Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Eddie will like this. What's black, red and screams? A London bus full of Nigerians going over Beachy Head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted November 17, 2016 Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 I don't know what my wife's talking about most of the time. I woke up this morning and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed with two black eyes. "What the fuck happened to you?" I asked. "This is what happens when you drink 9 pints of lager," she replied. "That's bullshit," I said, looking in the mirror, "I drank 9 pints of lager last night and my face is fine." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Extremecunt Posted November 17, 2016 Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 If looks could kill. Ha ha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted November 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 My wife's doing a sponsored jump tomorrow, and I am terrified that her parachute might not open. Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 How do you make hundreds of people shit themselves at the same time? Shout "Allahu Akbar" in Heathrow airport. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 On 30/10/2016 at 11:21 AM, ratcum said: I wish I'd said that Bubbly It was my german aunt's slight deafness and her fondess for a drink of orange that led her to be taken to a concentraion camp and gassed by the nazis .. she heard the ss man say "jews this way!", but thought that he said "juice". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 On 17/11/2016 at 10:42 PM, scotty said: My wife's doing a sponsored jump tomorrow, and I am terrified that her parachute might not open. Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out. If you were a vegetable Scotty, which sort would you like to be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 3 minutes ago, Lady Penelope said: It was my german aunt's slight deafness and her fondess for a drink of orange that led her to be taken to a concentraion camp and gassed by the nazis .. she heard the ss man say "jews this way!", but thought that he said "juice". cunt probably got scurvy too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 18, 2016 Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 1 minute ago, ratcum said: cunt probably got scurvy too My uncle got everything back belonging to her from the germans save for her jewelery and the gold fillings from her teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 19, 2016 Report Share Posted November 19, 2016 Thick Bleach I put a bottle of thick bleach side by side with a bottle of nomal bleach and asked both of them who Harry Houdini was and what he was famous for .. neither bottle was able to give me an answer .. so to me it seems to me that both ordinary and thick bleach are both equally thick .. I am sure that the bleach used 50 years ago my my Auntie Marge would have known the answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lady Penelope Posted November 19, 2016 Report Share Posted November 19, 2016 Jeremy Corbyn was on an aeroplane that crashed, he did have a parachute but chose not to use it because he was 7 out of 10 in favour of the plane continuing to fly and wanted to make his real decision when he knew whether or not the plane had crashed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted November 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 My wife gazed over the side of the ship. "You always remind me of the sea," she said distantly. "Because I'm wild and restless?" I smiled. "No," she replied. "Because you make me sick." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 21, 2016 Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 What do you call a Serbian prostitute? Slobbadahn Micokubich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 I ate a load of candles once, they came out tied together. I shit you knots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted November 23, 2016 Report Share Posted November 23, 2016 On 21/11/2016 at 7:45 PM, scotty said: My wife gazed over the side of the ship. "You always remind me of the sea," she said distantly. "Because I'm wild and restless?" I smiled. "No," she replied. "Because you make me sick." I have to admire your dedication, Scotters - you just keep 'em coming mate ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted December 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2016 It's two in the morning. Six hours in this nightclub and I haven't seen a decent looking woman yet. I might as well just go home and take the fucking rohypnol myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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