England Cricket Cuntbreeds

[Dyslexic cnut]

On 16/05/2023 at 15:56, Last Cunt Standing said:

In yet more proof that the Arseholes are in charge of bloody everything these days, the latest squad sheet issued by those idiots at the Exceptionally Cuntish Brigade is truly a sight to behold. We first have the news that Ben Foakes, the best keeper in England and possibly number one gloveman in the world the past 18 months, has been dropped not just from the team but the entire squad. Zak Crawley, who as early contributors note can barely find the crease much less the boundary, is assured of his place for another summer, in no way the result of taking Key’s old locker at Kent and whose father is Fatboy’s regular golf chum.

Taking the gloves is the returning Jonny Bairstow, whose batting career has flourished since he gave up the dual role of wicketkeeper batsman, after all who wouldn’t want the YJB of 2017 rather than 2022? Archer is out with his elbow just for a change, but hope springs eternal that he might rise like Lazarus come the winter, when we all know he needs a metaphorical bolt through the forehead. Jimmy, rather than being preserved in aspic, gets the chance to pull his groin properly just in time for the Ashes by slamming down some seaming fizzers against the fucking Micks (no offence, @PANZER MURPHY). Leach, still dining out on his 2019 forward defensive, gets another go to see if he can spin the ball more than about four-fifths of a degree, and the less said about Dan fucking Lawrence the better. 

Rob Key wants the fucking blunt end of a stump forced roughly up his urethra for coming up with this shit, the drawling laconic Cunt. In entirely unrelated events I’ve had to put with Nathan Lyon all over my telly tonight saying the Aussies can win 5-0 and that these latest changes show England’s  selection policy is “uncertain”. I nearly choked on my Tim Tam, the cheeky Cunt. 

@Stubby Pecker, what say you?

I’m glad you’ve fucked off from our NHS, Doc. Surely it’s ‘down’ the urethra?  Malpractice quack cunt.

[Last Cunt Standing]

3 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

I’m glad you’ve fucked off from our NHS, Doc. Surely it’s ‘down’ the urethra?  Malpractice quack cunt.

An interesting semantic point, which I suppose must depend on the angle of the dangle. I hadn’t factored on being sounded with a cricket stump being an arousing thought for the man in question. Here I would have to bow to your expertise. 

[Jake The Muss]

On 20/05/2023 at 13:24, Eric Cuntman said:

Nice to see you Ted. Been on holiday?

He's just got back from Turkey, prison probably.

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

An interesting semantic point, which I suppose must depend on the angle of the dangle. I hadn’t factored on being sounded with a cricket stump being an arousing thought for the man in question. Here I would have to bow to your expertise. 

Pen is the man for this discussion. You clearly weren’t a urologist?

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

An interesting semantic point, which I suppose must depend on the angle of the dangle. I hadn’t factored on being sounded with a cricket stump being an arousing thought for the man in question. Here I would have to bow to your expertise. 

‘angle of the dangle’. 
You’ve adjusted the ignition timing on a Ducellier distributor haven’t you? 
 Or it might be about cocks.

[Eric Cuntman]

13 minutes ago, Jake The Muss said:

He's just got back from Turkey, prison probably.

Tednight Express 

[King Billy]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You’ve adjusted the ignition timing on a Ducellier distributor haven’t you? 

Retarded it I would think.

[Jake The Muss]

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Tednight Express 

Proper film-making, who can forget the jerking off scene with his birds tits pressed up against the window. What was the film about ?

[Eric Cuntman]

Just now, Jake The Muss said:

Proper film-making, who can forget the jerking off scene with his birds tits pressed up against the window. What was the film about ?

A train I think. 

[Jake The Muss]

1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said:

A train I think. 

A bit like Thomas the tank engine then...but with tits.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Jake The Muss said:

A bit like Thomas the tank engine then...but with tits.

Yeah. There were definitely tits.. pressed against glass. That must’ve been a carriage partition. There was some stuff with a load of scruffy prisoners wandering about like mongs, but I think that was just a surreal, artistic bit, like when ‘Elephant Head’ sings in ‘The Young Ones’. Not important to the story. Which was definitely about tits.

[Last Cunt Standing]

10 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Pen is the man for this discussion. You clearly weren’t a urologist?

No. To both suggestions. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

10 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

‘angle of the dangle’. 
You’ve adjusted the ignition timing on a Ducellier distributor haven’t you? 
 Or it might be about cocks.

Cocks, Eric. Caucasian ones though, so don’t get all antsy. 

[Eric Cuntman]

52 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Cocks, Eric. Caucasian ones though, so don’t get all antsy. 

They’re still cocks. I suppose it’s a step in the right direction though. One day you may be able to look at all ten Rorschach cards and see at least one butterfly. Don’t give up.👍🏻

[Last Cunt Standing]

22 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

They’re still cocks. I suppose it’s a step in the right direction though. One day you may be able to look at all ten Rorschach cards and see at least one butterfly. Don’t give up.👍🏻

I much prefer the Ishihara plates, Eric. There’s a neat little in-joke in there if you can find it. Alan Turing-Baws @Cuntybaws will no doubt crack my code if you’re struggling 😀. 

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

I much prefer the Ishihara plates, Eric. There’s a neat little in-joke in there if you can find it. Alan Turing-Baws @Cuntybaws will no doubt crack my code if you’re struggling 😀. 

It’s not complicated to bridge the gap between your obsession with interracial relationships and colour blindness. I’m sure you think I’m thick. Although the term ‘hidden digit’ better suits proctology than optometry.

[Last Cunt Standing]

42 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It’s not complicated to bridge the gap between your obsession with interracial relationships and colour blindness. I’m sure you think I’m thick. Although the term ‘hidden digit’ better suits proctology than optometry.

Not at all Eric. Our conversations away from the public forum tell me you’re no dunce. 

[Eric Cuntman]

14 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Not at all Eric. Our conversations away from the public forum tell me you’re no dunce. 

I’ve read books too. Not just Argos catalogues and weapons manuals. Proper ones with stories. 

[Frank]

3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’ve read books too. Not just Argos catalogues and weapons manuals. Proper ones with stories. 

I’ve never underestimated your intelligence. Perhaps not quite an academic, but you’re certainly on par with the Eddies and Scottys of the world. I’m a fan, for sure. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

34 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’ve read books too. Not just Argos catalogues and weapons manuals. Proper ones with stories. 

Well quite. If ever I want an independent view on whether the US M67 or Australian F1 is the best hand grenade, which oddly dominated my boozy lunch with friends today, I know where to come.

[Dyslexic cnut]

5 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

No. To both suggestions. 

However, occasionally you are a dick, Doc.

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Frank said:

I’ve never underestimated your intelligence. Perhaps not quite an academic, but you’re certainly on par with the Eddies and Scottys of the world. I’m a fan, for sure. 

I’d fuck you on a scrabble board. 

[Eddie]

4 hours ago, Frank said:

I’ve never underestimated your intelligence. Perhaps not quite an academic, but you’re certainly on par with the Eddies and Scottys of the world. I’m a fan, for sure. 

You sly cunt, as you know I'm as thick as cow shit, stop insulting Eric, poofter. 

[King Billy]

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’d fuck you on a scrabble board. 

A Twister mat would be more Franks style.

[Decimus]

On 22/05/2023 at 14:13, Frank said:

I’ve never underestimated your intelligence. Perhaps not quite an academic, but you’re certainly on par with the Eddies and Scottys of the world. I’m a fan, for sure. 

https://ibb.co/kBX8VPv