The Notting Hill Carnival

[Wolfie]

This weekend sees London's primary street carnival take place, in which some of the generally nicer areas of our capital city become entrenched in a haze of fried chicken, big lips and BO.

As with recent Notting Hill Carnivals, the 'celebration' of Caribbean culture will result in approximately nine out of ten residents living along the intended route fleeing their homes in an attempt to escape the frightening and intimidating influx of crowds, and avoid the increased risk of being mugged, robbed or even stabbed.

Other than 2011, in which the event was cancelled because of looting en masse following the London riots, traditionally there are always hundreds of arrests (2016 holding the record at 450, surpassed in 2017 with 656 pre-emptive arrests in a venture by police to reduce the anticipated hostilities), as well as the usual racial tensions between ethnic minorites and rival gangs, typically resulting in street violence, illegal drug-dealings, stabbings, shootings, the occasional fatality, and food poisoning from uncooked chicken.

While it brings much to the local economy, this is somewhat offset by the huge police force equipped with full riot gear required to keep peace and order to prevent things from spiralling out of control. Not surprisingly, crime in other areas of London is heightened while the carnival takes place.

Ordinarily with the late August bank holiday, I'll be sitting in my back garden in the beautiful and much cleaner West Country, knocking back a few cold ciders, this year making a special effort to straighten the zigzags mistakenly inflicted upon my barren lawn, safe in the knowledge I no longer have to suffer or live anywhere near to this festering, dangerous shithole of an event.

[Decimus]

No doubt any police presence will be negated by the fact that all of them, including the horses, will be down on one supplicant knee.

If I was a young black cunt with a few kilos of crack and a Bowie knife, I'd be seeing this weekend as the year's biggest earner. I'd flog my drugs at a 6000 percent mark up to the privately educated white cunts in attendance who just lurrrrve black culture. Then I'd stab them and rob them of their trust funds. 

Rinse and fucking repeat, because The Old Bill won't get up off of those knees for anything less than a Gay Pride Parade.

[Eric Cuntman]

Can anyone lend me a couple of Reaper drones and a beginners guide?

[Penny Farthing]

I might pop up to London tomorrow .. it sounds like fun

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Penelope Alive said:

I might pop up to London tomorrow .. it sounds like fun

Jive-ass honky mofo

[Decimus]

52 minutes ago, Penelope Alive said:

I might pop up to London tomorrow .. it sounds like fun

You'd be the only white man there with a cock bigger than anyone in the majority black crowd.

[Last Cunt Standing]

I realise the regular, and increasingly dull, Combat 18 meeting won’t want to hear this, but the steel band competition, usually held the night before the NHC was always an enjoyable way to kick off a long weekend, and a joyful way to herald the end of summer. Even as a middle-aged white guy I never felt unsafe, and was always made to feel welcome, though I admit this was a decade or more ago. I remember seeing one band do a terrific version of an Alicia Keys number, which I have managed to find on YouTube for you all to enjoy. It’s a little hard to goose-step to, mind. 

I really don’t get the ceaseless invective directed at the Carnival from people who live in leafy suburbs hundreds of miles away. And yes, I realise an expat who likes to whine on about the UK might be heavy on the irony in such a statement, but seriously, if the black community of West London want an annual piss up and a fight, why should it bother the retired Hufton-Tuftons of Barnstaple or Oakham? Do the same people have the same fit of rage when the City is taken over by frightful braying toffs in Hunter Wellies when the Boat Race is in town? The Daily Mail never seems to have a problem with that. 

So bollocks to yet another thread which would embarrass a 1980’s Millwall Football Crowd. Turn this up and enjoy your bank holiday. Take your mind off those gas bills for a bit. 

 

[King Billy]

58 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

when the City is taken over by frightful braying toffs in Hunter Wellies when the Boat Race is in town?

Excellent point Doc. In 2019 the Met Filth stopped and searched three men and four women near Hammersmith bridge just prior to the boat race. Apparently they had intel that ‘climate activists’ may have been in possession of fireworks and a 20’ banner. No arrests were made and no items seized luckily. 
2012s boat-race however was a different scenario altogether when Trenton Oldfield, a very dangerous criminal who studied ‘contemporary urbanism’ (WTF?) at the LSE, wearing a wetsuit swam into the path of the boats, causing the race to be temporarily halted. It appears that he was the only person arrested at the event that year, and everyone lived to breathe another day.

Personally speaking I value my life too much to even contemplate attending either of these life endangering events. 

[Last Cunt Standing]

21 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Excellent point Doc. In 2019 the Met Filth stopped and searched three men and four women near Hammersmith bridge just prior to the boat race. Apparently they had intel that ‘climate activists’ may have been in possession of fireworks and a 20’ banner. No arrests were made and no items seized luckily. 
2012s boat-race however was a different scenario altogether when Trenton Oldfield, a very dangerous criminal who studied ‘contemporary urbanism’ (WTF?) at the LSE, wearing a wetsuit swam into the path of the boats, causing the race to be temporarily halted. It appears that he was the only person arrested at the event that year, and everyone lived to breathe another day.

Personally speaking I value my life too much to even contemplate attending either of these life endangering events. 

You’re forgetting that your years as an Ulster urchin have rather inoculated you to the excesses of street violence, Bill. I doubt you’d be remotely intimidated either by a Hooray double-parking his Landy outside your establishment, or by your street being taken over by gospel choirs, steel bands and food stalls for the weekend. And of course, as an avid fan of Fox News, I imagine you’d be happy to don the Sash and Bowler when the call went out to man the Derek Chauvin tribute float. After all, blue lives matter, but orange lives matter more. Amirite?

[Cunty BigBollox]

On a positive note, if any of the wealthy cunts in Notting Hill are taking delivery of a new piano you will be spoilt for choice for volunteers willing to help you get it upstairs as long as you provide them with cups of tea. PG Tips is their preferred brand, I believe.

[Penny Farthing]

9 hours ago, Decimus said:

You'd be the only white man there with a cock bigger than anyone in the majority black crowd.

Mind your own fucking business madam.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

5 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

On a positive note, if any of the wealthy cunts in Notting Hill are taking delivery of a new piano you will be spoilt for choice for volunteers willing to help you get it upstairs as long as you provide them with cups of tea. PG Tips is their preferred brand, I believe.

As a resident, whose lived in Notting Hill for over 20 years, I can assure you the last thing we'd want in the best area, of the best city, in the best country in the entire world, would be a pissed up, oh so hilarious, beer bellied fart like you wandering the streets, before passing out in a pool of your own piss, shit and vomit. Stay away, you vile drunken cunt. Lol.

[Cunty BigBollox]

26 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

As a resident, whose lived in Notting Hill for over 20 years, I can assure you the last thing we'd want in the best area, of the best city, in the best country in the entire world, would be a pissed up, oh so hilarious, beer bellied fart like you wandering the streets, before passing out in a pool of your own piss, shit and vomit. Stay away, you vile drunken cunt. Lol.

Don't worry I will stay away, there's enough piss, shit and vomit on the streets of Londonistan without me adding to it.

[and]

15 hours ago, Decimus said:

You'd be the only white man there with a cock bigger than anyone in the majority black crowd.

And you'd be the only white man there with enough experience in those matters to make a comparison 🌽😝

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

3 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Don't worry I will stay away, there's enough piss, shit and vomit on the streets of Londonistan without me adding to it.

I feel bad now Big Bollock, I'll tell you what, come down to Notting Hill and I'll let you stay inside the Mews. We have a big lockable gate, to keep all vile drunkards (and people wanting a sneaky piss) like yourself out but I'll tell the neighbours you're ok. I can't guarantee if you pass out you won't wake up with piss all over you, maybe even shit... But you're used to that aren't ya? I'll save you some chicken bones and grissel from my BBQ and you'll no doubt be able to salvage some discarded, mostly drunk cans of Red Stripe. What do say old chap?

[Cunty BigBollox]

4 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I feel bad now Big Bollock, I'll tell you what, come down to Notting Hill and I'll let you stay inside the Mews. We have a big lockable gate, to keep all vile drunkards (and people wanting a sneaky piss) like yourself out but I'll tell the neighbours you're ok. I can't guarantee if you pass out you won't wake up with piss all over you, maybe even shit... But you're used to that aren't ya? I'll save you some chicken bones and grissel from my BBQ and you'll no doubt be able to salvage some discarded, mostly drink cans of red stripe. What do say old chap?

I've received better offers from poofs wanting to bum me so I'll politely decline, sorry. You'll just have to make do with one of the hundreds of duskies on your doorstep. Have a good night.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

19 hours ago, Wolfie said:

This weekend sees London's primary street carnival take place, in which some of the generally nicer areas of our capital city become entrenched in a haze of fried chicken, big lips and BO.

As with recent Notting Hill Carnivals, the 'celebration' of Caribbean culture will result in approximately nine out of ten residents living along the intended route fleeing their homes in an attempt to escape the frightening and intimidating influx of crowds, and avoid the increased risk of being mugged, robbed or even stabbed.

Other than 2011, in which the event was cancelled because of looting en masse following the London riots, traditionally there are always hundreds of arrests (2016 holding the record at 450, surpassed in 2016 with 656 pre-emptive arrests in a venture by police to reduce the anticipated hostilities), as well as the usual racial tensions between ethnic minorites and rival gangs, typically resulting in street violence, illegal drug-dealings, stabbings, shootings, the occasional fatality, and food poisoning from uncooked chicken.

While it brings much to the local economy, this is somewhat offset by the huge police force equipped with full riot gear required to keep peace and order to prevent things from spiralling out of control. Not surprisingly, crime in other areas of London is heightened while the carnival takes place.

Ordinarily with the late August bank holiday, I'll be sitting in my back garden in the beautiful and much cleaner West Country, knocking back a few cold ciders, this year making a special effort to straighten the zigzags mistakenly inflicted upon my barren lawn, safe in the knowledge I no longer have to suffer or live anywhere near to this festering, dangerous shithole of an event.

Have to disagree on some of your points here Wolfie. I think around 500 arrests at a two day event hosting 2 million isn't bad at all. Considering most go there to get pissed, high and wasted and considering most people in London are absolute cunts, the numbers don't seem too bad. I agree there are loads of gangs wanting to bring their beef there etc and act like cunts, but fortunately it's generally a safe event. I agree regarding the food, overpriced jerk chicken that's either dry or just about cooked and that's why I'll be cooking my own as I sip on rum punch and perv on some of the fine female specimens (of all races) in attendance. Having been to around 15 carnivals now, I'd say the whitey/darkie ratio is actually 60/40 respectively. Apart from a load of teenage type wankers wondering around it generally people having a good time listening to everything from Dub (I recommend Aba Shanti) to house (Norman Jays Good times although sadly no longer there) to house and techno and obviously Soca, Reggae. 

I think it's going to be a great, massive piss up and its definitely needed after all the bollocks of the last few years and no doubt cost of living shite to come. 

No shit, an open invite to any corner member (except @Penelope Alive, @Frank and @cunt and @Carl Sway wanting to experience the vibes... PM me and bring some rum you fucking tight cunts.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

16 hours ago, King Billy said:

Excellent point Doc. In 2019 the Met Filth stopped and searched three men and four women near Hammersmith bridge just prior to the boat race. Apparently they had intel that ‘climate activists’ may have been in possession of fireworks and a 20’ banner. No arrests were made and no items seized luckily. 
2012s boat-race however was a different scenario altogether when Trenton Oldfield, a very dangerous criminal who studied ‘contemporary urbanism’ (WTF?) at the LSE, wearing a wetsuit swam into the path of the boats, causing the race to be temporarily halted. It appears that he was the only person arrested at the event that year, and everyone lived to breathe another day.

Personally speaking I value my life too much to even contemplate attending either of these life endangering events. 

KB, if you're coming you can park the M4 in the mews, it'll be locked and only accessible to residents. Unfortunately @Cunty BigBolloxBigBollox will be sleeping/passed out within the vicinity so I can't guarantee he won't try a fuck an exhaust pipe or puke and or shit on the bonnet, if we catch him though, we could both beat him to death. 

[Eric Cuntman]

5 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Have to disagree on some of your points here Wolfie. I think around 500 arrests at a two day event hosting 2 million isn't bad at all. Considering most go there to get pissed, high and wasted and considering most people in London are absolute cunts, the numbers don't seem too bad. I agree there are loads of gangs wanting to bring their beef there etc and act like cunts, but fortunately it's generally a safe event. I agree regarding the food, overpriced jerk chicken that's either dry or just about cooked and that's why I'll be cooking my own as I sip on rum punch and perv on some of the fine female specimens (of all races) in attendance. Having been to around 15 carnivals now, I'd say the whitey/darkie ratio is actually 60/40 respectively. Apart from a load of teenage type wankers wondering around it generally people having a good time listening to everything from Dub (I recommend Aba Shanti) to house (Norman Jays Good times although sadly no longer there) to house and techno and obviously Soca, Reggae. 

I think it's going to be a great, massive piss up and its definitely needed after all the bollocks of the last few years and no doubt cost of living shite to come. 

No shit, an open invite to any corner member (except @Penelope Alive, @Frank and @cunt and @Carl Sway wanting to experience the vibes... PM me and bring some rum you fucking tight cunts.

You’ve got to let Frank go with you. Think how much amusement you’ll get from watching him ‘bogling’ like a 50 year old divorcee at a council estate barbecue, wandering about in an Adidas ‘Rasta’ two-piece, grinning nervously and calling everybody ‘man’.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You’ve got to let Frank go with you. Think how much amusement you’ll get from watching him ‘bogling’ like a 50 year old divorcee at a council estate barbecue, wandering about in an Adidas ‘Rasta’ two-piece, grinning nervously and calling everybody ‘man’.

Didn't @Frank say he was from the street the other day. Lmfao. 

[Decimus]

17 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Didn't @Frank say he was from the street the other day. Lmfao. 

He is. Canal Street.

 

[Hammer of Cunts]

I saw Bob Marley once: it was one of the friendliest gigs I've ever been to. A bit like the Bulldog Bash but with more black people.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Didn't @Frank say he was from the street the other day. Lmfao. 

“ Yo my nigga! I’m after a packet of ‘grass-joint-drugs… do you have a card reader bro’?”

[Decimus]

10 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

“ Yo my nigga! I’m after a packet of ‘grass-joint-drugs… do you have a card reader bro’?”

I have to admit, my gateway into the world of narcotics was almost as clueless as a cruising middle-aged hipster with less T cells than a Brighton rent boy.

I was 16 and decided after watching Ali G In Da House that I wanted to have a joint. Coming from a fairly liberal family, I told my old man, who proceeded to get his baggy and grinder out and let me fill my boots. Five puffs later, I was on the bathroom floor convinced I was going to shit myself.

[Eric Cuntman]

1 minute ago, Decimus said:

I have to say, my gateway into the world of narcotics was almost as clueless as a cruising middle-aged hipster with less T cells than a Brighton rent boy.

I was 16 and decided after watching Ali G In Da House that I wanted to have a joint. Coming from a fairly liberal family, I told my old man, who proceeded to get his baggy and grinder out and let me fill my boots. Five puffs later, I was on the bathroom floor convinced I was going to shit myself.

I love that film. 
 

“ when you earn your swearing badge, you get your first eyebrow slit. Like Tyrone over there… ‘Tyrone, if you gets any better, we is gonna have to start doin your pubes… AAAIIIGGGHT!”

”But I don’t have any…”

”Well, I is got millions.”