Cap'n Cunt Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 56 minutes ago, Cap'n Cunt said: I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things? More importantly, would you have to stand at the end of the counter with your fucking arse held aloft, waiting for your name to be shouted out? I imagine this particular phenomenon would be picked up by the Viz Profanisaurus, and quite rightfully be named a "Punkape Gape". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 12 minutes ago, nocti said: More importantly, would you have to stand at the end of the counter with your fucking arse held aloft, waiting for your name to be shouted out? I imagine this particular phenomenon would be picked up by the Viz Profanisaurus, and quite rightfully be named a "Punkape Gape". ....and if the 'Giver' would be a 'Wrister' rather than 'Barista' and still give you that cunt-achingly twee 'Enjoy!' as they deliver the service? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 1 hour ago, Cap'n Cunt said: There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things? You utter fucking heathen. They are called Biscotti. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Proper, can you invest in software rather than trying to obtain your NVQ in Midwifery? Edited January 9, 2018 by Bubba C Beast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted January 9, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 21 minutes ago, Bubba C said: You utter fucking heathen. They are called Biscotti. I fucking knew that. I was just making allowances for the uneducated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 24 minutes ago, Bubba C said: Proper, can you invest in software rather than trying to obtain your NVQ in Midwifery? It does seem to be a bit glitch prone. InVision tell me there is an update soon, which will cause more glitches. Please feel free to put up what you have a degree in and the highly ranked university that awarded it. I'm sure it will raise a laugh from our membership. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 38 minutes ago, The Beast said: It does seem to be a bit glitch prone. InVision tell me there is an update soon, which will cause more glitches. Please feel free to put up what you have a degree in and the highly ranked university that awarded it. I'm sure it will raise a laugh from our membership. I obtained a City & Guilds in Sniffing Pills at the University of Life. Other famous alumni include William Stickers. Would you like a donation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 50 minutes ago, Bubba C said: I obtained a City & Guilds in Sniffing Pills at the University of Life. Other famous alumni include William Stickers. Would you like a donation? I thought you have made your donations already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 11 minutes ago, The Beast said: I thought you have made your donations already. I was drunk, and under a different pseudonym. I’ve got a number in my head. If you guess over it, then there’s nothing for you. Under, and it’s all yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest luke swarm Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 3 hours ago, Cap'n Cunt said: There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things? Cap.before you think of inserting your piece in Gwyneths Ringpiece, just remember who has already made a deposit or two in her nether regions. Brad Pitt and that gurning cunt out of Coldplay whose name escapes me have both given her colonic "irrigation" (probably) This is another one of those things that rich stupid people pay money for in the belief that it will purify them or have other health benefits. I am sure those cunts who administer this sort of procedure have to take very regular breaks to burst out in fits of uncontrollable laughter at the stupid cunts who fall for this idiocy. A bit like modern art which is also a colossal pisstake. Why don't they take a leaf out of normal peoples healthcare book, if you want to detox and purge ones system, then all you need to do is drink 4 pints of Guinness and then order a mutton vindaloo with a side of lentil dhal. That will have all sorts of health benefits and unblock all known toilet systems to boot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cap'n Cunt Posted January 9, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 6 minutes ago, luke swarm said: Cap.before you think of inserting your piece in Gwyneths Ringpiece, just remember who has already made a deposit or two in her nether regions. Brad Pitt and that gurning cunt out of Coldplay whose name escapes me have both given her colonic "irrigation" (probably) This is another one of those things that rich stupid people pay money for in the belief that it will purify them or have other health benefits. I am sure those cunts who administer this sort of procedure have to take very regular breaks to burst out in fits of uncontrollable laughter at the stupid cunts who fall for this idiocy. A bit like modern art which is also a colossal pisstake. Why don't they take a leaf out of normal peoples healthcare book, if you want to detox and purge ones system, then all you need to do is drink 4 pints of Guinness and then order a mutton vindaloo with a side of lentil dhal. That will have all sorts of health benefits and unblock all known toilet systems to boot. I think it more likely that Gwyneth shoved things up Chris Martin's arse rather than the other way round, given the suicide-inducing shite that he comes out with. I'd almost go so far as to admit that I'd rather have voles shoved up my bum than listen to Coldplay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 I stuck my cock up her arse but It was all yellow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 I had a patient once who came in complaining of piles. I took a look only to see tea leaves shoved up his arse. I asked him why and he explained that a friend of his from Wales recommended it. He told him that it was a traditional cure for piles in the valleys. "Has it worked"? He asked So I said "No, but looking at the pattern I think you're going to live to an old age and you will be coming in to money". Lol Fuck off 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Erroreptile404 Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Gwyneth paltrow deserves a rectal prolapse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 5 hours ago, Cap'n Cunt said: There are several things I'd like to stick up Gwyneth Paltrow's ringpiece, including my cock, but until now I'd never considered coffee. After reading this: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/09/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-coffee-enema-colonic-irrigation (I was initially quite disgusted, but then I got a stiffy and had a wank whilst thinking about pumping some Maxwell House up my colon) I'm wondering if Starbucks and Costa will be offering to squirt latte or flat white up your arse rather than serve it in cups, and if so, will you still get one of those little biscuit things? You backward cunt, we French have been doing it for years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 Apparently she jumped up and down shouting angrily at Chris when he administered her latest enema,"Ooh sorry darling"he said, "was it too hot?","No!" She screamed "No fucking sugar!" Just fuck off 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 1 hour ago, Neil said: Apparently she jumped up and down shouting angrily at Chris when he administered her latest enema,"Ooh sorry darling"he said, "was it too hot?","No!" She screamed "No fucking sugar!" Just fuck off Coffee, sugar and of course, yeast....is she preparing a new minge coffee flavoured liquor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted January 9, 2018 Report Share Posted January 9, 2018 It's bad enough that McDonalds have to print "Warning, Coffee may be hot" on all their cups, but now they've got to find room for "Do not pour up your arse" as well. Surely a Creme Egg McFlurry would be a more natural match for Gwyneth's nether regions anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 6 hours ago, Bubba C said: I was drunk, and under a different pseudonym. I’ve got a number in my head. If you guess over it, then there’s nothing for you. Under, and it’s all yours. As a faux fucking Mick, I can only count to potato. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Best nom for while and will surely keep giving. Good darts skipper Puts a whole new meaning to my oft quote phrase regarding some of the loveliest of ladies: "I'd drink her piss and use her shit for toothpaste"- but of course not after midday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 12 hours ago, EreptileDysfunction said: Gwyneth paltrow deserves a rectal prolapse. She had one, but she's divorced him. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 20 hours ago, Bubba C said: Proper, can you invest in software rather than trying to obtain your NVQ in Midwifery? I just got pointed to this post via a quote notification Bubs, so I can only imagine you were up to no good you cheeky fucking cunt. I demand an explanation, an apology, and one of the best wanks you've ever given; and I don't give a fuck what order they're in. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) 31 minutes ago, nocti said: I just got pointed to this post via a quote notification Bubs, so I can only imagine you were up to no good you cheeky fucking cunt. I demand an explanation, an apology, and one of the best wanks you've ever given; and I don't give a fuck what order they're in. It was truly a visionary piece of corner hilarity that would have been etched in the annals of time as one of the greatest ever posts. Sadly, Proper’s been spunking his hard earned on frivolous purchases rather than this place and it wasn’t to be. I did manage to interrogate Kojak whilst typing that (funny what you can achieve when you apply yourself), and as my dick now absolutely fucking stinks, would you like to suck it? Edited January 10, 2018 by Bubba C Sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 4 hours ago, Bubba C said: It was truly a visionary piece of corner hilarity that would have been etched in the annals of time as one of the greatest ever posts. Sadly, Proper’s been spunking his hard earned on frivolous purchases rather than this place and it wasn’t to be. I did manage to interrogate Kojak whilst typing that (funny what you can achieve when you apply yourself), and as my dick now absolutely fucking stinks, would you like to suck it? At the risk of sounding like a bit of a poofter, it depends on what it stinks of, and whether the nearest pub to you has Old Rosie on tap. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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