Decimus Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 The Christmas lunch is as much an ingrained part of office life as the ever present, ever available fat divorcee in accounts. I've been on several so far this year, and the one thing that they have had in common is that they have all been fucking awful. From the obligatory, gormless teenage waiter dripping sebaceous pus onto the overcooked broccoli, to the limp tinsel that has been hanging about since 1976, even the aforementioned accountancy slag can't rescue the occasion by dishing out two cock blow jobs underneath the mistletoe. If ever there was a good time to be unemployed and/or a Muslim, Christmas is it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Decimus said: The Christmas lunch is as much an ingrained part of office life as the ever present, ever available fat divorcee in accounts. I've been on several so far this year, and the one thing that they have had in common is that they have all been fucking awful. From the obligatory, gormless teenage waiter dripping sebaceous pus onto the overcooked broccoli, to the limp tinsel that has been hanging about since 1976, even the aforementioned accountancy slag can't rescue the occasion by dishing out two cock blow jobs underneath the mistletoe. If ever there was a good time to be unemployed and/or a Muslim, Christmas is it. If on Christmas eve, you get awoken by a shrivelled, emaciated creature, with a bald head, dressed in rags, screeching about christmas past; that'll be Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
and Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 On 22/12/2019 at 12:42, Decimus said: I've been on several so far this year, So, despite the first one being shit, you persevered and attended several more. I couldn't be arsed going to any fuckin' parties, who wants to take the risk of meeting the very people you've been avoiding all year, just for the sake of some mixed-nuts, a salmonella sausage roll and some warm Prosseco? Jacob Marley was a cunt! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 Its somthin i miss since i became a freelancer ..the social side of Christmas although this year the band is busy playing lots of bars n new years eve..few weddings comin up in January..making a few quid from yer hobby..#livinthedream Panzermurphybaby 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 3 minutes ago, PANZER MURPHY said: Its somthin i miss since i became a freelancer ..the social side of Christmas although this year the band is busy playing lots of bars n new years eve..few weddings comin up in January..making a few quid from yer hobby..#livinthedream I’m looking forward to your double act with @cuntspotter at the Corner Xmas party. He can play some phenomenally complicated jazz riffs involving chords you’ve never heard of, while you blare out “Danny Boy” on the kazoo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratcum Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 43 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: I’m looking forward to your double act with @cuntspotter at the Corner Xmas party. He can play some phenomenally complicated jazz riffs involving chords you’ve never heard of, while you blare out “Danny Boy” on the kazoo. As Sue once opined to Sweep about jazz: "Fackin Sooty's devil music, the incongruent arse controlled dog!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Cuntybaws said: I’m looking forward to your double act with @cuntspotter at the Corner Xmas party. He can play some phenomenally complicated jazz riffs involving chords you’ve never heard of, while you blare out “Danny Boy” on the kazoo. People dont give a fuck about any of that malarkey..just belt it out loud n hard ...its a winning combination Panzermurphybaby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 (edited) 20 hours ago, Decimus said: I've been on several so far this year, and the one thing that they have had in common is that they have all been fucking awful. Theres another thing all of the Christmas lunches that YOU have been on have in common, and alas I think you now know why they have been shit. Edited December 23, 2019 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 10 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: Theres another thing all of the Christmas lunches that YOU have been on have in common, and alas I think you now know why they have been shit. Are you Frank's protege? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 Panz I’m just about to arrive at Dublin Port from Holyhead. Where are you punishing the revellers eardrums tonight? I could take a drive over and video your efforts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 34 minutes ago, King Billy said: Panz I’m just about to arrive at Dublin Port from Holyhead. Where are you punishing the revellers eardrums tonight? I could take a drive over and video your efforts. Many a good tune played on an old fiddle and all that. Personally, as a plastic mick, I could never abide that did-le-I, did-le dum repetitive shit the micks specialise in. Even my old man, a proud Jackeen, would fuck it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 13 hours ago, Decimus said: The Christmas lunch is as much an ingrained part of office life as the ever present, ever available fat divorcee in accounts. I've been on several so far this year, and the one thing that they have had in common is that they have all been fucking awful. Several? How does that work Jethro? How many jobs have you got? Bullshit. Never happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted December 23, 2019 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 5 hours ago, judgetwi said: Several? How does that work Jethro? How many jobs have you got? Bullshit. Never happened. Next week on Benefits Street: Walthamstow. The Judge refuses to believe that his 12 year old nephew has a paper round, "LEAVE IT AHHHHT, YOU CAAAANT, WHO DJA FINK YA FACKIN ARE, BILL GATES?!?!?". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 The last office party I attended was back in 2014, it was held at Herbie's vegan cafe in Exeter. I fucked off after about 30 minutes and went to The Friends Meeting House (a Wetherspoons) with three of the other workers and had bangers and mash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) Devoid of all fun and humour 🖖 Edited December 23, 2019 by Ape™️ I wonder if Roops is furiously wanking as she gleefully removes posts? I say it’s a certainty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 10 hours ago, King Billy said: Panz I’m just about to arrive at Dublin Port from Holyhead. Where are you punishing the revellers eardrums tonight? I could take a drive over and video your efforts. Ya kept that quiet Billy baby..shudda said ya were arriving in me manor..ida met ya for a coffee n sticky bun..could have compared teeth..mines lookin fab thanks to the work of the lovely yazmin in the Dublin dental hospital Panzermurphybaby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, PANZER MURPHY said: Ya kept that quiet Billy baby..shudda said ya were arriving in me manor..ida met ya for a coffee n sticky bun..could have compared teeth..mines lookin fab thanks to the work of the lovely yazmin in the Dublin dental hospital Panzermurphybaby I’d have had to decline that Panz as I’m still sans gnashers. Another 3 or 4 months though and I’ll be fully kitted out with a shiny row of dazzlers that Rylan would bum a geezer to own.Oh that’s right, already happened. Anyway I’m up in the best bit of big land now. Have a good Christmas. KB Edited December 23, 2019 by Mrs Roops Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 We'll need to submit our posts to the authorities soon for vetting. I might write some vicious cunting inside a Christmas card in the hope it'll get past the gestapo... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: We'll need to submit our posts to the authorities soon for vetting. I might write some vicious cunting inside a Christmas card in the hope it'll get past the gestapo... Or ya could put an end to yer woeful posts stubberz baby Panzermurphybaby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 19 hours ago, PANZER MURPHY said: People dont give a fuck about any of that malarkey..just belt it out loud n hard ...its a winning combination Panzermurphybaby I’m with you on this one Pansy.... pub rock requires volume and plenty of chutzpah... I’m playing at the local Christmas singalong tonight..it’ll be terrible but I’ll be pissed and will earn a couple of quid so ...it’s a win win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 19 hours ago, PANZER MURPHY said: People dont give a fuck about any of that malarkey..just belt it out loud n hard ...its a winning combination Panzermurphybaby If you can’t play Ab13 ..... get off the fucking stage you tuneless cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 21 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said: We'll need to submit our posts to the authorities soon for vetting. I might write some vicious cunting inside a Christmas card in the hope it'll get past the gestapo... Don’t tell anyone but I’ve sent a cake with ‘Cunt’ written in marzipan under the icing. One thing that’s as sure as Ronnie Knight follows Darren Day is that Cunts will always be Cunts and anyone who thinks they won’t is a Cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 5 minutes ago, cuntspotter said: If you can’t play Ab13 ..... get off the fucking stage you tuneless cunt. Ye hum it n ill play it ..wheezin pooxx Panzermurphybaby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 1 minute ago, PANZER MURPHY said: Ye hum it n ill play it ..wheezin pooxx Panzermurphybaby Now you’re stealing my lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PANZER MURPHY Posted December 23, 2019 Report Share Posted December 23, 2019 1 minute ago, cuntspotter said: Now you’re stealing my lines. Im a plagerizin man hoe..and i never credit the original copyright holder Panzermurphybaby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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