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Covid Christmas


camberwell gypsy

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2 minutes ago, Frank said:

Gyps I had a call from Frank senior (87) last night.. his security censor light over the front porch has packed up. It’s not urgent but he lives in Colindale, which is predominantly inhabited by people of colour. I’m going over this afternoon and I’ll let you know how I get on.  

Stay safe, Francis. Don’t wear anything that smells of chicken.

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5 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Don't be disgusting. It's the corners of rooms and large pieces of furniture only to mark your authority in the home. Women, on the other hand, are about as good at driving a car in a straight line as they are at pissing.

Don't your visitors mind the smell or is it disguised with flowers and coffee beforehand?

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2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Have you seen the 1984 film 'Threads'? A timeline docu-drama, portraying the aftermath of nuclear war on an English city (Sheffield), and charting the period from date of nuclear attack to 13 years later. Horrifyingly well done. The only thing on-screen that's ever put the heebee-geebees up me.

I never did like Traffic Wardens. 

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4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Stay safe, Francis. Don’t wear anything that smells of chicken.

DC I've just arrived after a gruelling 90 minute journey along the Edgware Road, taking in the delights of Maida Vale, Kilburn, Cricklewood and West Hendon. A short detour to a B&Q store in Queensbury for a bulb and I wasn't ready to face my father for the second time this year. 'Come in boy, sit down have a whisky, I've fixed it.. job done' he said. 'Dad, it's hanging down the side of the wall, holding on by a thread" I replied. In his wisdom - to replace a fluorescent bulb -  he took a garden broom upstairs to my old box room, dangled out the window and smashed it to pieces. What should I do with him?

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1 hour ago, Frank said:

DC I've just arrived after a gruelling 90 minute journey along the Edgware Road, taking in the delights of Maida Vale, Kilburn, Cricklewood and West Hendon. A short detour to a B&Q store in Queensbury for a bulb and I wasn't ready to face my father for the second time this year. 'Come in boy, sit down have a whisky, I've fixed it.. job done' he said. 'Dad, it's hanging down the side of the wall, holding on by a thread" I replied. In his wisdom - to replace a fluorescent bulb -  he took a garden broom upstairs to my old box room, dangled out the window and smashed it to pieces. What should I do with him?

What with the old cabby cunt's fat, wotsit coloured fingers and your own brightly coloured and flamboyantly bent threads, I'd imagine that you both still had enough illumination to glare at each other with disgust across his ash strewn floor.

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8 minutes ago, Decimus said:

What with the old cabby cunt's fat, wotsit coloured, nicotine stained fingers and your own brightly coloured and flamboyantly bent threads, I'd imagine that you both still had enough illumination to glare at each other with disgust across his ash strewn floor.

Remember that video of the poor old sod? inebriated and getting emotional over some Sinatra shite on you tube, all the while, Frank egging him on to make an even bigger cunt of himself. At least he was spared the indignity of frank posting the bit where he starts crying and shits himself.

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23 minutes ago, Decimus said:

What with the old cabby cunt's fat, wotsit coloured fingers and your own brightly coloured and flamboyantly bent threads, I'd imagine that you both still had enough illumination to glare at each other with disgust across his ash strewn floor.

I really don't know what he makes of me these days. Several years ago I treated them both to a week's stay at the Ceylon Tea Trails in Sri Lanka. I wore a sarong on the first night and he didn't talk to me for a year. 

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36 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Remember that video of the poor old sod? inebriated and getting emotional over some Sinatra shite on you tube, all the while, Frank egging him on to make an even bigger cunt of himself. At least he was spared the indignity of frank posting the bit where he starts crying and shits himself.

I'm half expecting Frank to create some sort of Father-Son YouTube travelogue channel, heavily plagiarising that similarly pretentious cunt Jack Whitehall.

Picture it. Frank and the old man traipsing across Europe, Joe le Taxi heavily scripted as a "Fish outta water" type chancer, every other scene showing him screaming into some random dago waiter's face "DOOO YOOUUU DO EGG AND FUCKING CHIPS?" Frank pouting in the background, tutting and rolling his eyes like an overly contrived spastic fucking cunt.

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40 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'm half expecting Frank to create some sort of Father-Son YouTube travelogue channel, heavily plagiarising that similarly pretentious cunt Jack Whitehall.

Picture it. Frank and the old man traipsing across Europe, Joe le Taxi heavily scripted as a "Fish outta water" type chancer, every other scene showing him screaming into some random dago waiter's face "DOOO YOOUUU DO EGG AND FUCKING CHIPS?" Frank pouting in the background, tutting and rolling his eyes like an overly contrived spastic fucking cunt.

Are you finished yet?

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1 minute ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Are you finished yet?

Bearing in mind you have said that you were adopted, I've got a genuine question for you, Pen.

If my wife and I were tragically unable to have children, and we decided to go on the adoption waiting list, I can hand on heart say that we'd wait until we were offered a child with a determinate sex and no disabilities. If a mutant child sans cock, balls or fanny was put before us, I'd tell them to sling their fucking hook.

What persuaded your adoptive parents to accept a genderless freak of fucking nature into their home?

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2 hours ago, Decimus said:

What with the old cabby cunt's fat, wotsit coloured fingers and your own brightly coloured and flamboyantly bent threads, I'd imagine that you both still had enough illumination to glare at each other with disgust across his ash strewn floor.

This made me laugh. The above follow-up "EGG & FUCKING CHIPS" failed miserably, and you know it. Pace yourself. 

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