Eco-bogs.

[Dyslexic cnut]

This toiletry phenomenon appeared on my radar three years ago when I put a nice new bathroom in for my late, elderly father. I asked him how he was getting on with it all to which to which he replied ‘it’s alright. That blasting shower thing’s nice but the shithouse is useless!’ He then eloquently elaborated on the shortcomings of the new ‘eco-toilet’ designed to save water. His complaint rather colourfully centred on the reduced size of the turd removing aperture and the feeble flush and he went on to describe how he’d need a laser-guided ringpiece to be able to deliver even the most perfect, rigid Havana cigar shaped stool accurately and ‘sans skidmarks’ as the French may put it. This delicate snag could only be put right by filthy brush action and more flushing, which negates the whole ‘water-saving’ element of the ‘eco-bog.’

I noticed, in my pre-covid travels, the older traditional khazis still in use in the colonies of the Empire don’t suffer from this in built problem…yes, I know that backsplash is often a resultant feature here, but sometimes that can be refreshing in the tropics. At home, due to the minuscule aperture and ‘faecal accuracy issues’ backsplash is a thing of the past and any stool-firmness issues can see one flushing and scrubbing like a stool removing fool. Two gallons of water later and you may have a clean, and hopefully, crack-free pan…and they call this progress?

Thomas Crapper is a cunt.

[Cunty BigBollox]

The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought.

[Dyslexic cnut]

3 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought.

Not that I do now, of course, but have a five hour Guinness-full English-liquorice-whiskey-chutney-Jalfrezi bonanza, then let’s see what 6 litres of water will do to the rectal debris you shotblast out…fuck all CBB..one flush won’t ‘touch the sides’, so to speak.

[Hammer of Cunts]

These bogs are the coming thing, designed for millennials and woke types. Their eco-friendly diets produce small pellets, like sheep turds, which can be easily flushed and recycled into rap music and I-phones.

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought.

I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. 

Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. 

 

[Hammer of Cunts]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. 

Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. 

 

The French have special bogs for that. And a special sink for washing your feet.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. 

Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. 

 

Do you mean eating them or something else?

[Decimus]

5 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

This toiletry phenomenon appeared on my radar three years ago when I put a nice new bathroom in for my late, elderly father. I asked him how he was getting on with it all to which to which he replied ‘it’s alright. That blasting shower thing’s nice but the shithouse is useless!’ He then eloquently elaborated on the shortcomings of the new ‘eco-toilet’ designed to save water. His complaint rather colourfully centred on the reduced size of the turd removing aperture and the feeble flush and he went on to describe how he’d need a laser-guided ringpiece to be able to deliver even the most perfect, rigid Havana cigar shaped stool accurately and ‘sans skidmarks’ as the French may put it. This delicate snag could only be put right by filthy brush action and more flushing, which negates the whole ‘water-saving’ element of the ‘eco-bog.’

I noticed, in my pre-covid travels, the older traditional khazis still in use in the colonies of the Empire don’t suffer from this in built problem…yes, I know that backsplash is often a resultant feature here, but sometimes that can be refreshing in the tropics. At home, due to the minuscule aperture and ‘faecal accuracy issues’ backsplash is a thing of the past and any stool-firmness issues can see one flushing and scrubbing like a stool removing fool. Two gallons of water later and you may have a clean, and hopefully, crack-free pan…and they call this progress?

Thomas Crapper is a cunt.

Taking a shit in America is a fraught and terrifying experience, scary enough to induce even the largest of logs to shoot back up into your arsehole out of fear.

The first thing I noticed upon settling my hairy arse down on a public throne was that my cock and balls were completely submerged and bobbing about in my own piss, like a half drowned, albino Gonzo puppet.

What occurred to me next was that the cubicle had huge gaps where the door attached to the "stall". No sooner had I looked up in bashful alarm, I noticed the fat fucking face of some grinning paki eyeballing me as I desperately tried to squeeze out a few nuggets of pure.

You'd think that the act of taking a shit in the world's most scientifically and technologically advanced country would be something of a joy. What you end up with instead is a wet arse and a scatological version of peek-a-boo that only the vile and sinister cunt @Dave would enjoy.

 

[and]

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Taking a shit in America is a fraught and terrifying experience, scary enough to induce even the largest of logs to shoot back up into your arsehole out of fear.

The first thing I noticed upon settling my hairy arse down on a public throne was that my cock and balls were completely submerged and bobbing about in my own piss, like a half drowned, albino Gonzo puppet.

What occurred to me next was that the cubicle had huge gaps where the door attached to the "stall". No sooner had I looked up in bashful alarm, I noticed the fat fucking face of some grinning paki eyeballing me as I desperately tried to squeeze out a few nuggets of pure.

You'd think that the act of taking a shit in the world's most scientifically and technologically advanced country would be something of a joy. What you end up with instead is a wet arse and a scatological version of peek-a-boo that only the vile and sinister cunt @Dave would enjoy.

 

There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt.

[Wolfie]

1 hour ago, Dave said:

There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt.

...says the person who went through a succession of avatars of dogshit photos, calling themself 'R-Soles' and continually banging on about shit and scat for some while before being forced to reinvent himself as 'Joker', before the penny dropped and his previous identity became recognisable. You accusing another punter of being scat-obsessed is the analogy of Rolf Harris giving a pep talk at an all-girls' school for teenagers. You fucking ridiculous contradiction.

[Goober]

Pile of shit, so to speak. 

Are you sure it's not senility and he's shitting in the bidet, DC? 

[Decimus]

1 hour ago, Dave said:

There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt.

And here he is! Like a fly drawn to errr... shit.

If Proper's search function wasn't the equivalent of Google's knuckle dragging, Neaderthal cousin, I'm sure I would find a clear correlation between nominations about faeces and you instantly being all over them like that proverbial fly.

Seek help, you hard-sporting, turd tonguing cunt.

[Dyslexic cnut]

13 minutes ago, Goober said:

Pile of shit, so to speak. 

Are you sure it's not senility and he's shitting in the bidet, DC? 

I’d ask him but he’s brown bread…it could be hereditary however. I’ll let you know.

[Wolfie]

6 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I noticed these fuckers in Germany. If you over indulged in the bratwurst, you can end up with a turd thats so long it elevates you off the seat itself. 

Fucking hell, what a thing to talk about on a Sunday morning. 

 

 

7 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

The close coupled bog put paid to proper flushing action. Even with a small hole a 7ft head of 6 litres of water would shift even the most stubborn of black treacle like skid marks from your vitreous china. In the Netherlands their bogs mean your shit lands on a shelf above the water so you can examine it a'la Gillian McKeith for sweetcorn etc.. but obviously no danger of splashback here. And, my diagnosis for anyone that has massive unflushable turds is perhaps the ring has been overstretched, probably by something of equal size and shape going against the natural direction of flow in a pumping action. It's a thought.

@camberwell gypsy?

[Cunty BigBollox]

@Dave I don't know what it is but you do seem to attract shit. One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes.

[Decimus]

6 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

@Dave I don't know what it is but you do seem to attract shit. One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes.

Drew, this would have worked better if it wasn't for the fact that he actually quoted me first, not the other way round. That being said, fuck off.

[Bubba C]

Alright, lads? 

[and]

22 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

One post and @Wolfie and @Decimus show up like a couple of super glued dangleberries firmly adhered to your rectum pubes.

Oh, you've noticed that?

Yeah, they're obsessed with it, they can't leave it alone, it's in 95%of their posts, they actually believe everything they write, the deluded pair of scat mongering cunts.

[Stubby Pecker]

4 hours ago, Dave said:

Oh, you've noticed that?

Yeah, they're obsessed with it, they can't leave it alone, it's in 95%of their posts, they actually believe everything they write, the deluded pair of scat mongering cunts.

I'm the Scatman

Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
(I'm the Scatman)
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda 
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope

[Hammer of Cunts]

12 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I'm the Scatman

Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
(I'm the Scatman)
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda 
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope

Are you Paul McCartney?

[Stubby Pecker]

11 hours ago, Hammer of Cunts said:

Are you Paul McCartney?

I’ve never been to Liverpool and never will so fucking watch it pal 

 

[Dyslexic cnut]

On 06/12/2021 at 21:34, Stubby Pecker said:

I'm the Scatman

Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
(I'm the Scatman)
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub
Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo da dub dub

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda 
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope

Cunt…this should be a ‘badda!’ 

[Penny Farthing]

On 05/12/2021 at 15:42, Dave said:

There is something inherently perverted about the way you rhapsodise so eloquently on matters of scat, Dickless, then attempt to project your disgusting obsession on to other people, you sick fuckin' cunt.

He really is shit isn't he? A SCATterbrain.