fucking kids events shite

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

Fucking kids events shite. By which I mean any trip or event actioned for the primary and sole purpose of keeping these rats amused. 'Kid friendly restaurants' (god awful stress), trips out to x or y, any kid centric bollocks,  whatever. Not so much any stand alone example, of course not- I'm talking about the volume and frequency of this shite.

When I was a littler cunt, much littler, neither I nor any of my cousins or mates were being taken to shit like this every day of the week, or every other day, or every 2 of 3 days, or anything fucking like it. Once a week - this was called a 'treat', not a god given daily right. And we did not get constantly rewarded with repeats daily, and not when we were behaving like horrendous, bad mannered mini fuck stick shitbirds. 

Noble, stalwart better-than -the-jonese's style parenting cunts, dragging the cunts nobly around to these things daily, laden with shit, lamely bleating about how great this or that messy shit hole restaurant is- it isn't great, its a fucking total cunt.

The last 5 days Ive been to 2 restaurants out with them- both an insane nightmare, up a hill, to a concert/flotilla piece of shit thing in a park, and to some half arsed street party event, and a party at another horror's house- and they were acting like cunts very minute of the time. 

Fuck this shit- who is this benefitting exactly?

When I were a little cunt, we 1/ did not particularly want to be 'organised' all the time by our parents anyway, we wanted to be let outside to do our own shit and 2/ it is a cunt continually packing shit up and harassing them to these fucking things all the bastard time, when they seem to react badly to it and go mental, causing one to wish them dead.

Today, every week they are at judo, mandarin class, the dry ski slope, restaurants, art things, with a garnish of iPads and shit the rest of the time, just to ensure they do not risk having to suffer a second of not having some shit served on a plate for them.

We amused ourselves, We went outside, and having loaded wasps into an air rifle, vaporised them against a big window guffawing wholesomely; during the summer we caught big brown crabs at a nearby beach, and rolled around laughing hysterically as the cars we placed them in front of crunched them to pulp. No end of sport to be had without it being spoon fed. Shit.

[Cuntybaws]

The only "kids' event" I want to hear about is one with a poorly tethered bouncy castle in a force 8 gale.

Charlie Chalk is a cunt.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

18 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The only "kids' event" I want to hear about is one with a poorly tethered bouncy castle in a force 8 gale.

Charlie Chalk is a cunt.

I wish they were old enough to go out drinking, and exploding crustaceans.

[Guest I know that Cunt]

I didn't read it all as it looked like a fucking boring load of shite, I did see you caught crabs though at a nearby beach, were you dogging or what?

 

 

[Ape™️]

1 minute ago, I know that Cunt said:

I didn't read it all as it looked like a fucking boring load of shite, I did see you caught crabs though at a nearby beach, were you dogging or what?

 

 

I hate Cats.

[Guest Quincy Cockfingers]

15 minutes ago, I know that Cunt said:

I didn't read it all as it looked like a fucking boring load of shite, I did see you caught crabs though at a nearby beach, were you dogging or what?

 

 

Aye, you just skipped to the very last bit eh? 

[Frank]

1 hour ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Fucking kids events shite. By which I mean any trip or event actioned for the primary and sole purpose of keeping these rats amused. 'Kid friendly restaurants' (god awful stress), trips out to x or y, any kid centric bollocks,  whatever. Not so much any stand alone example, of course not- I'm talking about the volume and frequency of this shite.

When I was a littler cunt, much littler, neither I nor any of my cousins or mates were being taken to shit like this every day of the week, or every other day, or every 2 of 3 days, or anything fucking like it. Once a week - this was called a 'treat', not a god given daily right. And we did not get constantly rewarded with repeats daily, and not when we were behaving like horrendous, bad mannered mini fuck stick shitbirds. 

Noble, stalwart better-than -the-jonese's style parenting cunts, dragging the cunts nobly around to these things daily, laden with shit, lamely bleating about how great this or that messy shit hole restaurant is- it isn't great, its a fucking total cunt.

The last 5 days Ive been to 2 restaurants out with them- both an insane nightmare, up a hill, to a concert/flotilla piece of shit thing in a park, and to some half arsed street party event, and a party at another horror's house- and they were acting like cunts very minute of the time. 

Fuck this shit- who is this benefitting exactly?

When I were a little cunt, we 1/ did not particularly want to be 'organised' all the time by our parents anyway, we wanted to be let outside to do our own shit and 2/ it is a cunt continually packing shit up and harassing them to these fucking things all the bastard time, when they seem to react badly to it and go mental, causing one to wish them dead.

Today, every week they are at judo, mandarin class, the dry ski slope, restaurants, art things, with a garnish of iPads and shit the rest of the time, just to ensure they do not risk having to suffer a second of not having some shit served on a plate for them.

We amused ourselves, We went outside, and having loaded wasps into an air rifle, vaporised them against a big window guffawing wholesomely; during the summer we caught big brown crabs at a nearby beach, and rolled around laughing hysterically as the cars we placed them in front of crunched them to pulp. No end of sport to be had without it being spoon fed. Shit.

I like you quince.. a lot. 

[Decimus]

33 minutes ago, Frank said:

I like you quince.. a lot. 

Frank, during the glorious Autumn of 2004, I spent weeks at a time balls deep in Mrs.D instead of attending law lectures at the third rate provincial University of Lincoln. She wasn't such a disgusting pig in those halcyon days, and it seemed a better option to spend hours in bed with her than to learn about "snail in the bottle".

9 months and a screaming brat later, I was well on my way to the living hell that Quincy has so eloquently described. Short of filicide, is there anyway I can now turn this shit around?

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

37 minutes ago, Frank said:

I like you quince.. a lot. 

You say that to all the lads. 

[Earl of Punkape]

8 minutes ago, Wizardsleeve said:

You say that to all the lads. 

Hello Wizard.

Have you ever suffered from a STD ?

Which one ?

Did you feel a cunt...

1. Before the event

2. After the event

3. You're still a huge cunt

4. All of the above....

[camberwell gypsy]

2 hours ago, Quincy Cockfingers said:

Fucking kids events shite. By which I mean any trip or event actioned for the primary and sole purpose of keeping these rats amused. 'Kid friendly restaurants' (god awful stress), trips out to x or y, any kid centric bollocks,  whatever. Not so much any stand alone example, of course not- I'm talking about the volume and frequency of this shite.

When I was a littler cunt, much littler, neither I nor any of my cousins or mates were being taken to shit like this every day of the week, or every other day, or every 2 of 3 days, or anything fucking like it. Once a week - this was called a 'treat', not a god given daily right. And we did not get constantly rewarded with repeats daily, and not when we were behaving like horrendous, bad mannered mini fuck stick shitbirds. 

Noble, stalwart better-than -the-jonese's style parenting cunts, dragging the cunts nobly around to these things daily, laden with shit, lamely bleating about how great this or that messy shit hole restaurant is- it isn't great, its a fucking total cunt.

The last 5 days Ive been to 2 restaurants out with them- both an insane nightmare, up a hill, to a concert/flotilla piece of shit thing in a park, and to some half arsed street party event, and a party at another horror's house- and they were acting like cunts very minute of the time. 

Fuck this shit- who is this benefitting exactly?

When I were a little cunt, we 1/ did not particularly want to be 'organised' all the time by our parents anyway, we wanted to be let outside to do our own shit and 2/ it is a cunt continually packing shit up and harassing them to these fucking things all the bastard time, when they seem to react badly to it and go mental, causing one to wish them dead.

Today, every week they are at judo, mandarin class, the dry ski slope, restaurants, art things, with a garnish of iPads and shit the rest of the time, just to ensure they do not risk having to suffer a second of not having some shit served on a plate for them.

We amused ourselves, We went outside, and having loaded wasps into an air rifle, vaporised them against a big window guffawing wholesomely; during the summer we caught big brown crabs at a nearby beach, and rolled around laughing hysterically as the cars we placed them in front of crunched them to pulp. No end of sport to be had without it being spoon fed. Shit.

Don't forget Quince, there was a war on. I'm sure being evacuated was an adventure though eh?

[Guest Wizardsleeve]

8 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Hello Wizard.

Have you ever suffered from a STD ?

Which one ?

Did you feel a cunt...

1. Before the event

2. After the event

3. You're still a huge cunt

4. All of the above....

Evening Punky.  

No, I've never suffered an STD.  I know what condoms are and how to use them.  I also only have sex with clean, well kept women who have respect for themselves and their bodies.  

Back to the gay bar glory hole with you. 

[Frank]

1 hour ago, Wizardsleeve said:

Evening Punky.  

No, I've never suffered an STD.  I know what condoms are and how to use them.  I also only have sex with clean, well kept women who have respect for themselves and their bodies.  

Back to the gay bar glory hole with you. 

... and you know how to contort the bodies of two decrepit and unloved old folk..  the very dopes who raised and supported you for their entire pissy lives, into the tiny boot of a Jaguar XJ. 

[Eddie]

Fucking kids events shite

I sincerely hope that you didn't leave out a comma by mistake on that nom quince.

[Jiggerycock]

9 hours ago, Decimus said:

Frank, during the glorious Autumn of 2004, I spent weeks at a time balls deep in Mrs.D instead of attending law lectures at the third rate provincial University of Lincoln. She wasn't such a disgusting pig in those halcyon days, and it seemed a better option to spend hours in bed with her than to learn about "snail in the bottle".

9 months and a screaming brat later, I was well on my way to the living hell that Quincy has so eloquently described. Short of filicide, is there anyway I can now turn this shit around?

Post - natal abortion may be an option.

....or 'murder' as some liberal, bedwetting types call it.

[Frank]

10 hours ago, Decimus said:

Frank, during the glorious Autumn of 2004, I spent weeks at a time balls deep in Mrs.D instead of attending law lectures at the third rate provincial University of Lincoln. She wasn't such a disgusting pig in those halcyon days, and it seemed a better option to spend hours in bed with her than to learn about "snail in the bottle".

9 months and a screaming brat later, I was well on my way to the living hell that Quincy has so eloquently described. Short of filicide, is there anyway I can now turn this shit around?

I'm not going over this shit again. You might have noticed that I relentlessly campaigned for your release.. expecting some quality to return to the site. Not repeats. 

Quincy got his wake up call a few weeks ago after a six month lull. He's doing great things here now. 

[Decimus]

45 minutes ago, Frank said:

I'm not going over this shit again. You might have noticed that I relentlessly campaigned for your release.. expecting some quality to return to the site. Not repeats. 

Quincy got his wake up call a few weeks ago after a six month lull. He's doing great things here now. 

I imagine by now you are aware that the vast majority of what I post is a rehash of your archived material. I've tweaked it here and there to make it more accessible to the common man, and plagiarised a few John Bishop jokes to add some more meat to its bones.

You are far too highbrow to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Ditch all the shit about Cuban salsa music and Boulogne and give us nominations about suburban car parking and check out staff. Perhaps throw in a few jokes on the sicki thread to raise your profile.

As one of your biggest fans, your relative demise in recent months has been painful to watch.

[Guest Manky]

As I walked my dog this morning, I saw the local junior school getting on coaches. Upon investigation, I discovered they were en-route to Quarry Bank Mill, (unfortunately it is a textile museum and not a workhouse)

That is the burglary and mugging rate down 90% today then.

[Earl of Punkape]

47 minutes ago, Manky said:

As I walked my dog this morning, I saw the local junior school getting on coaches. Upon investigation, I discovered they were en-route to Quarry Bank Mill, (unfortunately it is a textile museum and not a workhouse)

That is the burglary and mugging rate down 90% today then.

Most of the schools in central Manchester employ their own private security staff.

[Guest Manky]

56 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Most of the schools in central Manchester employ their own private security staff.

So you can't get in looking for gay Pokemongs?

[Earl of Punkape]

45 minutes ago, Manky said:

So you can't get in looking for gay Pokemongs?

Off to Canal St at the weekend ?

lol.

[Guest Manky]

2 minutes ago, Punkape said:

Off to Canal St at the weekend ?

lol.

You boring cunt.

[Earl of Punkape]

9 minutes ago, Manky said:

You boring cunt.

 

9 minutes ago, Manky said:

You boring cunt.

You Knobjockey.

lol.

[Guest Bill Stickers]

5 hours ago, Decimus said:

I imagine by now you are aware that the vast majority of what I post is a rehash of your archived material. I've tweaked it here and there to make it more accessible to the common man, and plagiarised a few John Bishop jokes to add some more meat to its bones.

You are far too highbrow to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Ditch all the shit about Cuban salsa music and Boulogne and give us nominations about suburban car parking and check out staff. Perhaps throw in a few jokes on the sicki thread to raise your profile.

As one of your biggest fans, your relative demise in recent months has been painful to watch.

Frank is like a genteel version of Paul Gascoigne.

It seems like only yesterday he was scoring screamers in every thread and was virtually untouchable, but the truth is he's been stumbling around spouting gibberish on a comedown with his cock out for far longer than any of us want to admit. 

[Guest Manky]

2 hours ago, Punkape said:

 

You Knobjockey.

lol.

Of the millions of sperm rushing to fertilise your mum's egg,  you were the fastest, the strongest.

Thank fuck you won that race. Think of the damage to the human (?) gene pool if one of the inferior sperm had got there first.