nocti Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 4 hours ago, applescruff14 said: There is this woman that I sometimes see in my local shop that I smile at, not really interested just humouring her really. I went in there last night and she just happened to turn up the same time as I did, hadn't seen her for over a week. I didn't really take any notice of her when I saw her in the actual shop, all of a sudden she was with this bloke who appeared from nowhere and she was giving me this strange look, she's got a face like Steve Smith. I scarpered out of there pretty quick and got in the car and drove off. I was only humouring her anyway, not interested really. Comparing her to the woman I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt. This is akin to reading a serial killer's livejournal, only one that scores both very high on both the autism spectrum, and the Kinsey scale. Sort it out scruff, for fuck's sake. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 29 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Being serious for once in my life, I think we are probably the greatest all-round (and I don't mean in the adipose tissue sense) sporting nation in the world. We put in a shift across most sports and are pretty decent - without being world-class - at plenty. We're the best at Rugby union. The All Blacks are number 1 ranked but they're scared to play us because they know we'll stuff them. And their haka is stupid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said: We're the best at Rugby union. The All Blacks are number 1 ranked but they're scared to play us because they know we'll stuff them. And their haka is stupid Timotei! Timotei! Hair Shampoo!! Pretty sure we could take Australia at football 9 times out of 10. Hamilton is F1 champion (admittedly in an absolute pseudo-sport), we'll get a smattering of golds a the Winter Olympics, medal in everything from Taekwondo to Rowing to Hockey to Athletics to Yachting at the Summer Olympics...cricket....rugby...snooker...darts even. There's usually some plucky Brit to get behind no matter what sport you're watching Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southerncunt Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 3 hours ago, nocti said: This is akin to reading a serial killer's livejournal, only one that scores both very high on both the autism spectrum, and the Kinsey scale. Sort it out scruff, for fuck's sake. Spot on Nocti. I’m getting a whiff of Ed Gien, and with the constant references to Rembrandt and Rolf Harris, a very strong smell of John Wayne Gacy. For some reason I am getting a pervading aroma of Eric Olthwaite 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 9 hours ago, southerncunt said: There you go scruff, a balanced and fair assessment. In all seriousness and despite my recent anti-Australianism, I have to admit to liking Shane Warne. I'm not a cricket fan and have to turn it off within seconds if it's on the telly. However, I could have watched him in action for hours, his bowling almost seemed to defy the laws of physics. He does look like a right faggot these days though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stubby Pecker Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 2 minutes ago, Decimus said: In all seriousness and despite my recent anti-Australianism, I have to admit to liking Shane Warne. I'm not a cricket fan and have to turn it off within seconds if it's on the telly. However, I could have watched him in action for hours, his bowling almost seemed to defy the laws of physics. He does look like a right faggot these days though. Patron saint of blokes punching above their weight when he bagged Liz Hurley.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said: Patron saint of blokes punching above their weight when he bagged Liz Hurley.... At least he's got personality than that one dimensional fop who bagged her before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Stubby Pecker said: Patron saint of blokes punching above their weight when he bagged Liz Hurley.... Well, when you say 'bagged' presumably you mean the gravitational pull of his fatty enormity dragged the fragrant Ms Hurly within reach of his flapping pseudopodia, within which he triumphantly ensnared her, before she manfully fought her way out of his adipose folds and, planting the Union Jack, Edmund Hilary-like, on the upper slopes of his blubbery gut, and claimed him for Blighty as a vast source of Whale oil? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 5 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: Well, when you say 'bagged' presumably you mean the gravitational pull of his fatty enormity dragged the fragrant Ms Hurly within reach of his flapping pseudopodia, within which he triumphantly ensnared her, before she manfully fought her way out of his adipose folds and, planting the Union Jack, Edmund Hilary-like, on the upper slopes of his blubbery gut, and claimed him for Blighty as a vast source of Whale oil? Can someone translate this ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 16 minutes ago, Punkape said: Can someone translate this ? I think he was trying to be funny, but failed miserably. I'm sure you know how this feels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Beast Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 17 minutes ago, Punkape said: Can someone translate this ? She fucked the diuretic munching tub of lard silly. No full toss either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Punkape said: Can someone translate this ? Yes - Punkape is as thick as pigshit and twice as nasty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted November 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 11 hours ago, nocti said: This is akin to reading a serial killer's livejournal, only one that scores both very high on both the autism spectrum, and the Kinsey scale. Sort it out scruff, for fuck's sake. Apple is in a bad way but never mind, he will be unemployed soon and never get the woman that he wants but as long as we win the ashes then it will be ok again. He misses his tradesman days and it's all beyond science. The bit that worry's me is the constant mention of Rolf Harris in his memoirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted November 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 17 hours ago, applescruff14 said: It will be too late for Perth as it will be 2-0 and there is no way we will win 2 from there and avoid defeat in another especially if the umpire is going to be Australia's 12th man. I think England will win the next four tests and with ease..what do you think about that ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 1 hour ago, Fender777 said: I think England will win the next four tests and with ease..what do you think about that ? If they've started referring to international snooker matches as 'tests', we have a fairly strong chance of that being true. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted November 29, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 15 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: If they've started referring to international snooker matches as 'tests', we have a fairly strong chance of that being true. This is serious stuff Eric, we have to encourage our would be Jeffrey Dahmer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted November 29, 2017 Report Share Posted November 29, 2017 7 minutes ago, Fender777 said: This is serious stuff Eric, we have to encourage our would be Jeffrey Dahmer. Unbelievable. They arrest that ginger cunt for chinning some twat, yet there's another one of them bumming young men, murdering them and keeping their heads in a fridge! W.G Grace wouldn't have stood for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake The Muss Posted November 30, 2017 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 11 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Unbelievable. They arrest that ginger cunt for chinning some twat, yet there's another one of them bumming young men, murdering them and keeping their heads in a fridge! W.G Grace wouldn't have stood for it. It's shocking stuff this !!. All because of a poxy little urn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 19 hours ago, southerncunt said: There you go scruff, a balanced and fair assessment. Say and think what you like. I ain't no fool and I don't take what I don't want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 19 hours ago, nocti said: This is akin to reading a serial killer's livejournal, only one that scores both very high on both the autism spectrum, and the Kinsey scale. Sort it out scruff, for fuck's sake. Like I say I was only humouring her as I used to see her most mornings. That look she was giving me the other night really freaked me out, it was like seeing Steve Smith in a graveyard late at night. I got out there pretty quick, got in the car and drove off as her boyfriend might have beat me up as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 4 hours ago, Fender777 said: It's shocking stuff this !!. All because of a poxy little urn. Thing is we have the real thing, they will only have a replica and that's only because they cheated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 7 hours ago, Fender777 said: I think England will win the next four tests and with ease..what do you think about that ? If they were playing tiddlywinks maybe. We won't win any tests if Australia cheat and have the umpire as their 12th man and doctor wickets. The series is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: Unbelievable. They arrest that ginger cunt for chinning some twat, yet there's another one of them bumming young men, murdering them and keeping their heads in a fridge! W.G Grace wouldn't have stood for it. He may not ever play for England again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 7 hours ago, Fender777 said: Apple is in a bad way but never mind, he will be unemployed soon and never get the woman that he wants but as long as we win the ashes then it will be ok again. He misses his tradesman days and it's all beyond science. The bit that worry's me is the constant mention of Rolf Harris in his memoirs. My job really is hanging in the balance, something unexpected happened this week and has left everyone's job hanging upside down. I miss my tradesman days Comparing any woman to the one I really want is like comparing Rolf Harris to Rembrandt I wish I'd stayed in Australia My job and the Ashes to go in 2017 I'm staring a P45 in the face I love The Beatles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applescruff14 Posted November 30, 2017 Report Share Posted November 30, 2017 10 hours ago, Decimus said: In all seriousness and despite my recent anti-Australianism, I have to admit to liking Shane Warne. I'm not a cricket fan and have to turn it off within seconds if it's on the telly. However, I could have watched him in action for hours, his bowling almost seemed to defy the laws of physics. He does look like a right faggot these days though. He talks utter shite as well but Aussies do that by default. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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