WFH Apple Wankers

[Decimus]

It's a well established fact known to anyone that has ever been in an Apple store that all their employees are absolute fucking wankers. Man buns, "hey guyyyyys" and triggered queers aside, though, they've taken their reputation for being utterly unbearable to new heights

Apple Together, a group consisting of 200 perfect examples of Apple's appalling recruitment policy, have released a statement saying that forcing workers back into the office is racist. Without any hint of self-awareness or irony, they claim that a move back to face-to-face working will lead to a "younger, whiter, more male dominated, more neuro-normative and more able-bodied workforce."

They list a number of reasons why this would be the case, all of which are littered with woke buzzwords that will only make sense to someone who has taken a copy of Shola Mos-Shogbamimu's latest treatise on gender and racial politics and shoved it up their fucking arse.

Rather than doing anything to further equality within the workplace, all they have done is confirm right-wing stereotypes that all ethnics, cripples, women and queers are lazy fucking shysters who would rather be given a career based upon whatever box they tick rather than working hard for it like their white, male counterparts are expected to do.

Fuck off.

[Cuntybaws]

I hope they all get sickle cell from sitting around on their fat, lazy arses.

[Eric Cuntman]

9 minutes ago, Decimus said:

It's a well established fact known to anyone that has ever been in an Apple store that all their employees are absolute fucking wankers. Man buns, "hey guyyyyys" and triggered queers aside, though, they've taken their reputation for being utterly unbearable to new heights

Apple Together, a group consisting of 200 perfect examples of Apple's appalling recruitment policy, have released a statement saying that forcing workers back into the office is racist. Without any hint of self-awareness or irony, they claim that a move back to face-to-face working will lead to a "younger, whiter, more male dominated, more neuro-normative and more able-bodied workforce."

They list a number of reasons why this would be the case, all of which are littered with woke buzzwords that will only make sense to someone who has taken a copy of Shola Mos-Shogbamimu's latest treatise on gender and racial politics and shoved it up their fucking arse.

Rather than doing anything to further equality within the workplace, all they have done is confirm right-wing stereotypes that all ethnics, cripples, women and queers are lazy fucking shysters who would rather be given a career based upon whatever box they tick rather than working hard for it like their white, male counterparts are expected to do.

Fuck off.

Fuck, you're good.

cunt.

[Ape™️]

If the stupid cunts were working from the office pre-pandemic then the stupid cunts should now return to the office. If the stupid cunts don’t like it then the stupid cunts should fuck off and get another job. I’m fucking sick of the whole work from home bollocks - everyone needs to get back to the office and get on with their fucking jobs. Too many people have become far too comfortable with it and are now taking the piss. 

[Eddie]

51 minutes ago, Decimus said:

It's a well established fact known to anyone that has ever been in an Apple store that all their employees are absolute fucking wankers. Man buns, "hey guyyyyys" and triggered queers aside, though, they've taken their reputation for being utterly unbearable to new heights

Apple Together, a group consisting of 200 perfect examples of Apple's appalling recruitment policy, have released a statement saying that forcing workers back into the office is racist. Without any hint of self-awareness or irony, they claim that a move back to face-to-face working will lead to a "younger, whiter, more male dominated, more neuro-normative and more able-bodied workforce."

They list a number of reasons why this would be the case, all of which are littered with woke buzzwords that will only make sense to someone who has taken a copy of Shola Mos-Shogbamimu's latest treatise on gender and racial politics and shoved it up their fucking arse.

Rather than doing anything to further equality within the workplace, all they have done is confirm right-wing stereotypes that all ethnics, cripples, women and queers are lazy fucking shysters who would rather be given a career based upon whatever box they tick rather than working hard for it like their white, male counterparts are expected to do.

Fuck off.

I bet the factory workers in China are more concerned with working conditions and pay…

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

I remember using Apple products way before the iPod generation jumped onboard, when they were a computer company and never made gay phones. What with all the success they've had, its inevitable they end up going down this route.

[Eric Cuntman]

4 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I remember using Apple products way before the iPod generation jumped onboard, when they were a computer company and never made gay phones. What with all the success they've had, its inevitable they end up going down this route.

I loved the Nokia 3310. You could smash the bridge of some cunts nose in with it and not break it. You only needed to charge it once a week. And you could play 'Snake' on it, rather than use it to watch bongo films and play with a different snake.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

14 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I loved the Nokia 3310. You could smash the bridge of some cunts nose in with it and not break it. You only needed to charge it once a week. And you could play 'Snake' on it, rather than use it to watch bongo films and play with a different snake.

I'm not a fan of these 'smart' phones Eric, keeping records on what you buy, where you go and sync appointments with your calendar etc...all for convenience sake of course. Not that I'm involved in criminal activity etc but they're like having some cunt following you everywhere. The fact they're overpriced, deliberately slowed down with each forced update and last 3 years or so make them a sort of necessary nuisance. I'm seriously considering going to a basic standard phone, like you mention that actually lasts a few days on one charge and is a phone first and foremost...the only issue is I can't remember my Corner log in, if I lose this phone or change it Raas will never been seen again on here. 

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I'm not a fan of these 'smart' phones Eric, keeping records on what you buy, where you go and sync appointments with your calendar etc...all for convenience sake of course. Not that I'm involved in criminal activity etc but they're like having some cunt following you everywhere. The fact they're overpriced, deliberately slowed down with each forced update and last 3 years or so make them a sort of necessary nuisance. I'm seriously considering going to a basic standard phone, like you mention that actually lasts a few days on one charge and is a phone first and foremost...the only issue is I can't remember my Corner log in, if I lose this phone or change it Raas will never been seen again on here. 

Just PM me your log in stuff. And your online banking passwords etc', anything you might forget. I'll keep it all safe for you.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

Thanks Eric, it means a lot...when I get to Greatest Britain and actually get some money I'll be in touch. 

[Eric Cuntman]

34 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I loved the Nokia 3310. You could smash the bridge of some cunts nose in with it and not break it. You only needed to charge it once a week. And you could play 'Snake' on it, rather than use it to watch bongo films and play with a different snake.

@Cunty BigBollox, you gave this a like from the Nokia 3310 you've currently got plugged in at Wetherspoons, haven't you?

[Decimus]

2 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

I hope they all get sickle cell from sitting around on their fat, lazy arses.

Apparently Tim has put a metaphorical knee on their knecks and told them to go fuck themselves.

Not to be perturbed, they've set up their own knock off version of Apple called 'Banana'. If you're interested in purchasing one of their stolen iPhones and an ounce of crack, Eddie has the details.

[Cunty BigBollox]

28 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Apparently Tim has put a metaphorical knee on their knecks and told them to go fuck themselves.

Not to be perturbed, they've set up their own knock off version of Apple called 'Banana'. If you're interested in purchasing one of their stolen iPhones and an ounce of crack, Eddie has the details.

Don't you mean a 'nee' on their knecks. 

Useless fucking cunt.

[camberwell gypsy]

One of the nurses I know has a husband who's a train engineer (he repairs trains) and he's apparently "working from home". How the fuck can you repair trains from home???

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Just PM me your log in stuff. And your online banking passwords etc', anything you might forget. I'll keep it all safe for you.

His bank account is so empty it echoes 

[Decimus]

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Don't you mean a 'nee' on their knecks. 

Useless fucking cunt.

Drew, I'm impressed that you're still cognitively functional enough at this point in the bank holiday weekend to spot a minor typo.

That being said, you're not my ghost writer or editor, partly because I have no need of one, but mainly because you're a complete and utter fucking idiot. Therefore, and with the greatest of disrespect, fuck off.

 

[Frank]

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Fuck, you're good.

cunt.

Fucking hell.

[Penny Farthing]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

One of the nurses I know has a husband who's a train engineer (he repairs trains) and he's apparently "working from home". How the fuck can you repair trains from home???

Hornby trains.

[Dyslexic cnut]

1 hour ago, camberwell gypsy said:

One of the nurses I know has a husband who's a train engineer (he repairs trains) and he's apparently "working from home". How the fuck can you repair trains from home???

Is he a wedding dress repairer?

[Eric Cuntman]

25 minutes ago, Frank said:

Fucking hell.

Come on Ronnie.

[Decimus]

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Come on Ronnie.

Have you seen the Rack Pack, Eric? I don't have any interest in snooker whatsoever, but I do love natural talent and skill that shines through despite human faults. 

I've got no idea about the historical accuracy, but I love the portrayal of Higgins, and also Hearn,despite Kevin Bishop being an unbearable fucking slag.

 

[Eric Cuntman]

31 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Have you seen the Rack Pack, Eric? I don't have any interest in snooker whatsoever, but I do love natural talent and skill that shines through despite human faults. 

I've got no idea about the historical accuracy, but I love the portrayal of Higgins, and also Hearn,despite Kevin Bishop being an unbearable fucking slag.

 

Yes. I've got the DVD. The scene where Hearn persuades Higgins to have a look at Steve Davis...

"Jesus, that's what happens when a carrot fucks a snail."

[camberwell gypsy]

1 hour ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Is he a wedding dress repairer?

I see what you did there 

[Neil]

14 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

One of the nurses I know has a husband who's a train engineer (he repairs trains) and he's apparently "working from home". How the fuck can you repair trains from home???

Everyone knows trains are repaired online

I'm 'ere all week

[Neil]

14 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

One of the nurses I know has a husband who's a train engineer (he repairs trains) and he's apparently "working from home". How the fuck can you repair trains from home???

Is it steam trains? He must be well chuffed.