Ape™️ Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 I was awake in the early hours of Saturday and couldn’t settle, so I put an earphone in and listened to LBC for a while. The subject being discussed was how people were finding ways of saving energy at home. An electrician called in and began extolling the virtues of buying a lower power kettle, like the ones you get in hotel rooms and B&B establishments. According to the rocket scientist electrician, huge savings can be made simply by ditching the usual 2500-3000W kettle and purchasing a 700W model. He did admit it took “a bit longer to boil” than a normal kettle, but due to the savings he was making it was “a small price to pay”. The presenter was convinced it was a brilliant idea too. I fucking despair. The Truss government has decided not to do a public information campaign on energy saving as they don’t want a nanny state, but with thick cunts giving out completely false information on a national radio station, perhaps people do need educating. Fuck off. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 You feeling energetic this morning Ape? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 Fucking 700watts!!! By the time that cunt has boiled I would have forgotten I wanted a cup of coffee. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 You could always go to the other extreme by wiring your kettle directly to a fission reactor. There's a slight risk you'd end up with glowing plasma or a mini black hole rather than a nice cup of tea, but on the plus side it would only take a fraction of a second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 What about putting your Ninja air fryer, that every cunt seems to be clamouring for, in your bed to cook your evening meal. Not only do you get cheaply cooked food but you also get a nice warm bed. Pen, just in case you have one of these don't try this with sausage casserole just in case anything falls out and you think you've got more than one when you go to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 His Majesty's Government almost issued advice, to those too stupid to work it out for themselves, that we should turn down the heating a notch. It was withdrawn in case they froze to death. Poor people are really thick you know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 10 minutes ago, Hammer of Cunts said: Poor people are really thick you know. And thick people are frequently poor. It's almost as if there's some sort of causal relationship. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Ape™️ said: I was awake in the early hours of Saturday and couldn’t settle, so I put an earphone in and listened to LBC for a while. The subject being discussed was how people were finding ways of saving energy at home. An electrician called in and began extolling the virtues of buying a lower power kettle, like the ones you get in hotel rooms and B&B establishments. According to the rocket scientist electrician, huge savings can be made simply by ditching the usual 2500-3000W kettle and purchasing a 700W model. He did admit it took “a bit longer to boil” than a normal kettle, but due to the savings he was making it was “a small price to pay”. The presenter was convinced it was a brilliant idea too. I fucking despair. The Truss government has decided not to do a public information campaign on energy saving as they don’t want a nanny state, but with thick cunts giving out completely false information on a national radio station, perhaps people do need educating. Fuck off. You could have powered that transistor radio using a bucket full of 2 pence pieces and galvanised washers soaked in orange juice with copper wires coming out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colonelkurtz Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 Switch off the telly every time some cunt appears .. tremendous savings and endless choice 24/7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 1 minute ago, colonelkurtz said: Switch off the telly every time some cunt appears .. tremendous savings and endless choice 24/7 I switch it off every time black people appear. Anyone who wants a 42 inch LG, it’s in the shed under a poly sheet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 6 hours ago, Ape™️ said: I was awake in the early hours of Saturday and couldn’t settle, so I put an earphone in and listened to LBC for a while. The subject being discussed was how people were finding ways of saving energy at home. An electrician called in and began extolling the virtues of buying a lower power kettle, like the ones you get in hotel rooms and B&B establishments. According to the rocket scientist electrician, huge savings can be made simply by ditching the usual 2500-3000W kettle and purchasing a 700W model. He did admit it took “a bit longer to boil” than a normal kettle, but due to the savings he was making it was “a small price to pay”. The presenter was convinced it was a brilliant idea too. I fucking despair. The Truss government has decided not to do a public information campaign on energy saving as they don’t want a nanny state, but with thick cunts giving out completely false information on a national radio station, perhaps people do need educating. Fuck off. A little known, but guaranteed way to save energy, is to not lie awake listening to the radio all night, especially as we’re in the final stage of an existential climate crisis. ‘How dare you!’ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 52 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: I switch it off every time black people appear. Anyone who wants a 42 inch LG, it’s in the shed under a poly sheet. If they decided to relaunch Baywatch I wonder how many black people would be in the cast?, from memory the original only had one darkie policeman who rode around on a quad-bike and never got wet, and seeing that black people can swim about as well as Stuart Lubbock can now I was just curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 3 minutes ago, King Billy said: A little known, but guaranteed way to save energy, is to not lie awake listening to the radio all night, especially as we’re in the final stage of an existential climate crisis. ‘How dare you!’ Don't the valves give off some heat once the wireless has crackled into life?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 9 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said: Don't the valves give off some heat once the wireless has crackled into life?? Invisible airwaves. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted October 9, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 12 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: Invisible airwaves. The Spirit of Radio. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 5 hours ago, Cuntybaws said: You could always go to the other extreme by wiring your kettle directly to a fission reactor. There's a slight risk you'd end up with glowing plasma or a mini black hole rather than a nice cup of tea, but on the plus side it would only take a fraction of a second. We are talking more Coco Gauff, than Serena Williams then? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 1 minute ago, Witheredscrote said: We are talking more Coco Gauff, than Serena Williams then? Serena Williams always travels nickerless on aeroplanes. Apparently the first thing the crash rescue teams look for is the Black Box. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Witheredscrote Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 1 minute ago, Eric Cuntman said: Serena Williams always travels nickerless on aeroplanes. Apparently the first thing the crash rescue teams look for is the Black Box. That's for a good reason. Last time she was searched, they found 10kg of crack in her gusset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said: That's for a good reason. Last time she was searched, they found 10kg of crack in her gusset. Tucked in underneath her huge black cock probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 33 minutes ago, King Billy said: Tucked in underneath her huge black cock probably. It's a shame that Serena wasn't around during Lord P's 1930s, Wimbledon heydays. Imagine the spectacle, two evenly matched opponents tripping over their respective 14 inch schlongs every time they moved off the baseline. Each subsequent grunt approaching 230 decibels and no ball boy's arsehole left unsmashed. A theoretical match with more body hair present than the 1999 Sampras vs Agassi final. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 6 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said: What about putting your Ninja air fryer, that every cunt seems to be clamouring for, in your bed to cook your evening meal. Not only do you get cheaply cooked food but you also get a nice warm bed. Pen, just in case you have one of these don't try this with sausage casserole just in case anything falls out and you think you've got more than one when you go to bed. I bet that you have got more than @Ape™️ and a bigger one too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 29 minutes ago, Penelope Alive said: I bet that you have got more than @Ape™️ and a bigger one too. Ape's the 'king of the swingers' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: I switch it off every time black people appear. Anyone who wants a 42 inch LG, it’s in the shed under a poly sheet. No it fucking aint😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Billy Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 42 minutes ago, Decimus said: It's a shame that Serena wasn't around during Lord P's 1930s, Wimbledon heydays. Imagine the spectacle, two evenly matched opponents tripping over their respective 14 inch schlongs every time they moved off the baseline. Each subsequent grunt approaching 230 decibels and no ball boy's arsehole left unsmashed. A theoretical match with more body hair present than the 1999 Sampras vs Agassi final. It’s not difficult to imagine the gasp from the centre court crowd, spitting out mouthfuls of strawberries when Penelope Bellend serves up her first underarm ace and a sudden gust of wind catches her ankle length 19th century skirt and reveals the big fellow. ‘Ooh I say!’ from the BBC radio commentator, and a loud shriek of ‘You cannot be serious. The balls were clearly out!’ from an American spectator rumoured to have been John McEnroe’s grandfather. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted October 9, 2022 Report Share Posted October 9, 2022 3 hours ago, King Billy said: A little known, but guaranteed way to save energy, is to not lie awake listening to the radio all night, especially as we’re in the final stage of an existential climate crisis. ‘How dare you!’ I was at Piccadilly at lunchtime today and guess what - the stupid cunts were glued to the tarmac -again, and the fucking pigs were just loitering and looking out of the vans. If most people could pay no attention to those tossers, perhaps a few stray cars could sort things out. Or a bus or a big lorry. As they are getting more desperate, I can’t wait for those events to take place in the freezing, damp, winter weather, and let nature take care of those noisy, stupid twats. I’m happy to provide all the glue, nails, hammers, petrol, etc. I want them dead. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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