Cunts who borrow things and don’t return them in the same condition

[southerncunt]

Disrespectful cunts. I lent my neighbour my drill a few years ago, he didn’t have one and told me it was just for a small job. Was it fuck. He spent the next 2 days masonry drilling dyna bolts into a concrete slab. What is more, the stupid cunt didn’t use the side handle correctly and friction melted it onto the chuck. He handed it back it me, fucked.

Last week the fucking cunt asked to borrow my chainsaw, after hearing me use it. 
 

It gave me great pleasure to say “Yes Joe, I have a chainsaw, and no, you can’t borrow it. As my late Dad used to say, there are 2 things you never lend another man, your wife, or your chainsaw, as they both come back fucked” 

The look on the utter cunts face was almost worth the drill.

[Eric Cuntman]

32 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

Disrespectful cunts. I lent my neighbour my drill a few years ago, he didn’t have one and told me it was just for a small job. Was it fuck. He spent the next 2 days masonry drilling dyna bolts into a concrete slab. What is more, the stupid cunt didn’t use the side handle correctly and friction melted it onto the chuck. He handed it back it me, fucked.

Last week the fucking cunt asked to borrow my chainsaw, after hearing me use it. 
 

It gave me great pleasure to say “Yes Joe, I have a chainsaw, and no, you can’t borrow it. As my late Dad used to say, there are 2 things you never lend another man, your wife, or your chainsaw, as they both come back fucked” 

The look on the utter cunts face was almost worth the drill.

A man is in court for murdering his wife. The prosecution is reading out the charges on day one…

’and you then walked into your bedroom, and bludgeoned your wife to death with a 16 Oz claw hammer.’

A man in the public gallery screams.. “YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARD!”

The judge admonishes him and tells him to calm down and control his emotions. The man replies…

‘I apologise your honour, but I’ve lived next door to that cunt for 6 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t fucking have one!’

[camberwell gypsy]

18 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

A man is in court for murdering his wife. The prosecution is reading out the charges on day one…

’and you then walked into your bedroom, and bludgeoned your wife to death with a 16 Oz claw hammer.’

A man in the public gallery screams.. “YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARD!”

The judge admonishes him and tells him to calm down and control his emotions. The man replies…

‘I apologise your honour, but I’ve lived next door to that cunt for 6 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t fucking have one!’

Is that a Johnny Cassidy gag? 

[Eric Cuntman]

3 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is that a Johnny Cassidy gag? 

I don’t know where I heard it. Probably a stag night comedian at some function I had to stand through.

[Last Cunt Standing]

2 hours ago, southerncunt said:

Disrespectful cunts. I lent my neighbour my drill a few years ago, he didn’t have one and told me it was just for a small job. Was it fuck. He spent the next 2 days masonry drilling dyna bolts into a concrete slab. What is more, the stupid cunt didn’t use the side handle correctly and friction melted it onto the chuck. He handed it back it me, fucked.

Last week the fucking cunt asked to borrow my chainsaw, after hearing me use it. 

It gave me great pleasure to say “Yes Joe, I have a chainsaw, and no, you can’t borrow it. As my late Dad used to say, there are 2 things you never lend another man, your wife, or your chainsaw, as they both come back fucked” 

The look on the utter cunts face was almost worth the drill.

A friend of mine had this problem in the UK years back, some tight-arsed Scally cunt who kept asking to borrow his Flymo as they only had a six-foot square of grass outside their house and it never seemed worth buying their own device. Each time the cunt brought it back, he took six inches off the flex and replugged it, having himself started giving £2 a week (neighbours reaction; fuck off! Whatever happened to Bob a job!) to the local Scouts to cut his own patch. Reportedly the guy spent a good half hour arguing loudly with his wife that she must have moved the socket near the front window because the mower wouldn’t reach any more.

My mate looked on smiling. He’s a cold, cold bastard that one. 

[Eric Cuntman]

15 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

A friend of mine had this problem in the UK years back, some tight-arsed Scally cunt who kept asking to borrow his Flymo as they only had a six-foot square of grass outside their house and it never seemed worth buying their own device. Each time the cunt brought it back, he took six inches off the flex and replugged it, having himself started giving £2 a week (neighbours reaction; fuck off! Whatever happened to Bob a job!) to the local Scouts to cut his own patch. Reportedly the guy spent a good half hour arguing loudly with his wife that she must have moved the socket near the front window because the mower wouldn’t reach any more.

My mate looked on smiling. He’s a cold, cold bastard that one. 

If you had lent your lawnmower to your Australian neighbour, when you asked for it back, he would just smile and give you a Vegemite sandwich.

[Last Cunt Standing]

11 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

If you had lent your lawnmower to your Australian neighbour, when you asked for it back, he would just smile and give you a Vegemite sandwich.

Just for that Eric, you get the acoustic version. Merry Christmas, Cobber.

 

[Hammer of Cunts]

I lent a tenner to a mate once and when he gave it back, it wasnt just worse, it was an entirely different note. Devious cunt, I've given him a wide berth ever since.

[camberwell gypsy]

My neighbours made a sex tape. 

I'm just waiting for them to go out so I can get my hidden camera. 

Lol. Fuck off 

[Uncle Meatus]

Scrubs version was more....poignant.

[Meet Uncle Monty]

Why not have the bottle to confront the cunt - if this beef even existed in the first place? I suspect you're fishing for cheap feedback, the like of which is abundant here.

[Stubby Pecker]

16 minutes ago, Meet Uncle Monty said:

Why not have the bottle to confront the cunt - if this beef even existed in the first place? I suspect you're fishing for cheap feedback, the like of which is abundant here.

Piss off you stupid fucking cunt

[Meet Uncle Monty]

😏 Raw nerve.

[Decimus]

On 12/12/2022 at 20:42, southerncunt said:

Disrespectful cunts. I lent my neighbour my drill a few years ago, he didn’t have one and told me it was just for a small job. Was it fuck. He spent the next 2 days masonry drilling dyna bolts into a concrete slab. What is more, the stupid cunt didn’t use the side handle correctly and friction melted it onto the chuck. He handed it back it me, fucked.

Last week the fucking cunt asked to borrow my chainsaw, after hearing me use it. 
 

It gave me great pleasure to say “Yes Joe, I have a chainsaw, and no, you can’t borrow it. As my late Dad used to say, there are 2 things you never lend another man, your wife, or your chainsaw, as they both come back fucked” 

The look on the utter cunts face was almost worth the drill.

Have you ever watched Mr Inbetween, Southern?

We don't really get many Australian shows available to stream over here, but I stumbled across this on Disney Plus of all places.

It was fucking brilliant.

[King Billy]

On 12/12/2022 at 22:59, Last Cunt Standing said:

A friend of mine had this problem in the UK years back, some tight-arsed Scally cunt who kept asking to borrow his Flymo as they only had a six-foot square of grass outside their house and it never seemed worth buying their own device. Each time the cunt brought it back, he took six inches off the flex and replugged it, having himself started giving £2 a week (neighbours reaction; fuck off! Whatever happened to Bob a job!) to the local Scouts to cut his own patch. Reportedly the guy spent a good half hour arguing loudly with his wife that she must have moved the socket near the front window because the mower wouldn’t reach any more.

My mate looked on smiling. He’s a cold, cold bastard that one. 

Out of likes. A few years ago I made the mistake of moving in with a bird who I really didn’t like at all but was one of the best fucks I’d ever had and kept going back for more. We moved into a poncey fucking loft apartment and within a couple of weeks she was involved in a daily shouting match with a neighbour who kept parking his car in a space which she had weirdly decided was exclusively hers (which it wasn’t). At this point I will add that she drove a customised black Range Rover Sport with pink bumpers, pink trimmed leather interior and personalised number plate which was as fucking ridiculous as the rest of the car. She decided to buy one of those locking fold up things you see in car parks and asked me if I would drill and bolt it into the ground for her. I of course said I would, knowing that I could expect a filthy thank you session for my efforts. She then spent the next hour spray painting the fucking thing pink. As promised I installed the item the next day and lapped up the thank you’s which came my way. I gave her the keys (2) for the very impressive padlock and smiled knowingly, thinking of the filth coming my way which I’d earned due to my hard graft. 
A couple of days later she arrived home and found that the neighbours car was securely parked in ‘her’ space with the padlock locked.🤣 This became a frequent occurrence for a couple of weeks.

The silly bitch even asked me if I thought he could be some sort of expert lock picker, and I told her that was probably right. 🤣

Our ‘relationship’ went rapidly downhill when I admitted to her a few weeks later that I’d given the guy the 3rd key to the padlock 10 minutes after I’d fitted the device and we’d been laughing at her fucking antics ever since. 

 

[Eric Cuntman]

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

Have you ever watched Mr Inbetween, Southern?

We don't really get many Australian shows available to stream over here, but I stumbled across this on Disney Plus of all places.

It was fucking brilliant.

If you want something Australian and sick as fuck, see if you can find a spoof medical drama called ‘Let The Blood Run Free’.

[Witheredscrote]

8 hours ago, King Billy said:

Out of likes. A few years ago I made the mistake of moving in with a bird who I really didn’t like at all but was one of the best fucks I’d ever had and kept going back for more. We moved into a poncey fucking loft apartment and within a couple of weeks she was involved in a daily shouting match with a neighbour who kept parking his car in a space which she had weirdly decided was exclusively hers (which it wasn’t). At this point I will add that she drove a customised black Range Rover Sport with pink bumpers, pink trimmed leather interior and personalised number plate which was as fucking ridiculous as the rest of the car. She decided to buy one of those locking fold up things you see in car parks and asked me if I would drill and bolt it into the ground for her. I of course said I would, knowing that I could expect a filthy thank you session for my efforts. She then spent the next hour spray painting the fucking thing pink. As promised I installed the item the next day and lapped up the thank you’s which came my way. I gave her the keys (2) for the very impressive padlock and smiled knowingly, thinking of the filth coming my way which I’d earned due to my hard graft. 
A couple of days later she arrived home and found that the neighbours car was securely parked in ‘her’ space with the padlock locked.🤣 This became a frequent occurrence for a couple of weeks.

The silly bitch even asked me if I thought he could be some sort of expert lock picker, and I told her that was probably right. 🤣

Our ‘relationship’ went rapidly downhill when I admitted to her a few weeks later that I’d given the guy the 3rd key to the padlock 10 minutes after I’d fitted the device and we’d been laughing at her fucking antics ever since. 

 

The worrying thing here, is that you believe all the bollocks that you write. If only for your own sake, seek professional help.

[Eddie]

14 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

The worrying thing here, is that you believe all the bollocks that you write. If only for your own sake, seek professional help.

Are you calling ‘long beard’? 

[southerncunt]

On 15/12/2022 at 07:40, Decimus said:

Have you ever watched Mr Inbetween, Southern?

We don't really get many Australian shows available to stream over here, but I stumbled across this on Disney Plus of all places.

It was fucking brilliant.

No I haven’t mate, despite multiple people telling me I “have to watch it, he’s like you”

Thats probably why I haven’t. One day I’ll get around to it.

 

[Jake The Muss]

I would have made the thick dunce cunt wear the chainsaw...to compensate for the plucked and fucked drill.

[King Billy]

On 15/12/2022 at 06:55, Witheredscrote said:

The worrying thing here, is that you believe all the bollocks that you write. If only for your own sake, seek professional help.

The 3 likes you’ve received for this post would at first glance appear promising Withers. But sadly for you that’s as promising as it gets when the identities of your fan club are revealed. 
Come on Argentina!

[Eric Cuntman]

On 16/12/2022 at 08:38, southerncunt said:

No I haven’t mate, despite multiple people telling me I “have to watch it, he’s like you”

Thats probably why I haven’t. One day I’ll get around to it.

 

If they start telling you to watch ‘Wolf Creek’ because, “he’s just like you”… begin worrying.

[Decimus]

On 16/12/2022 at 08:38, southerncunt said:

No I haven’t mate, despite multiple people telling me I “have to watch it, he’s like you”

Thats probably why I haven’t. One day I’ll get around to it.

 

Southern, I made a post tonight about how conflicted I was during the world cup final today. Both of the competing teams were and are considered auld enemies of England, and in an ideal world I would have liked the stadium to have been blown up long before either side scored.

But it got me thinking about our descendants overseas. Whilst I wouldn't expect Australians to feel the same level of hatred to Argentina as most English people post Falklands, do you lot still burn the flag of hatred brightly against the French due to centuries of ancestral DNA stirring memories of Waterloo et al? Or is there no sense of that now you've been an independent nation for so long?

 

[scotty]

16 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Southern, I made a post tonight about how conflicted I was during the world cup final today. Both of the competing teams were and are considered auld enemies of England, and in an ideal world I would have liked the stadium to have been blown up long before either side scored.

But it got me thinking about our descendants overseas. Whilst I wouldn't expect Australians to feel the same level of hatred to Argentina as most English people post Falklands, do you lot still burn the flag of hatred brightly against the French due to centuries of ancestral DNA stirring memories of Waterloo et al? Or is there no sense of that now you've been an independent nation for so long?

 

I'd like to think that the Aussies still harbour a decent hatred of the Germans, Decs. 

[southerncunt]

11 hours ago, Decimus said:

Southern, I made a post tonight about how conflicted I was during the world cup final today. Both of the competing teams were and are considered auld enemies of England, and in an ideal world I would have liked the stadium to have been blown up long before either side scored.

But it got me thinking about our descendants overseas. Whilst I wouldn't expect Australians to feel the same level of hatred to Argentina as most English people post Falklands, do you lot still burn the flag of hatred brightly against the French due to centuries of ancestral DNA stirring memories of Waterloo et al? Or is there no sense of that now you've been an independent nation for so long?

 

Fair question Decs.

I used to work with a bloke, quite a bit older than who travelled widely before he and his wife had kids in the 70s, and told me a few things that have always stuck with me regarding our place as Australians in the world. 
He was travelling through Europe in a camper van, and as was the custom (indeed still is over here) of displaying an RAC plate on the back of the van indicating where you come from. In their case, it was AUS. They had stopped somewhere in the German alps at a lookout, probably just to give the poor Commer a rest, when a young kid of about 14 and his father were there. My mate spoke a little German, not much, but he heard the boy ask his dad if these people were a derogatory form of foreigner. The father looked at the back of the van and said “Nein nein, Engerlander”. 
He remembered the boy nodded, as if to say “Well that’s ok then”.

Many years later he had a business with an older German bloke during the time of the Falkland war.  The German was an unwilling Hitler Youth during the final days of the war when the allied troops came through to liberate, and knew well what the allies meted out to the retreating Germans.

There was a front page of the paper here with a photo of an Argentinian soldier with a foot on the body of a fallen Marine. 
The German said to my mate in his thick Werner Herzog accent “ This will not end well. They shouldn’t do that to these people. They are not nice people.” History backed that up.

Australians generally don’t have long standing vendettas with many other nations, although the Bali bombings changed our outlook towards Indonesia. The French cracked the shits about pulling out of the submarine deal, but they do that kind of thing. A lot of Australian blood is still in the ground in France and I think most French are aware of that. A trip to Villers Brettenoux is a case in point.

This place is such a fucking melting pot and has been since the 1850s. I am of English descent but my kids are half Ukrainian. Before any of you cunts say mail order, Mrs Southern came out here as a kid.

We hang shit on the poms, and vice versa, but we can do that out of a mutual understanding. We use the language the same way, and our humour, while different in many ways is still innately understood.

So in short, we are too young and too far away from anywhere else to have had the time to reach back into hundreds of years of history to have a pathological dislike of different groups of people. 

Give us time though….