Fat cunts/bastards/wankers etc

[Penny Farthing]

37 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

PHWOOOOAAAAR! 😍

Do you like a bit of meat on them Eric?

[Eric Cuntman]

1 hour ago, Dawn Chorus said:

Do you like a bit of meat on them Eric?

Jack Spratt could eat no fat,

His wife could eat no lean,

So Jack ignored her flabby cunt and licked her arsehole clean.

[Dyslexic cnut]

6 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I've always subscribed to the theory that the one thing you won't be thinking on your deathbed is.. "I wish I'd had less sex". 

I'll try anything once. Except bumming and noncing.

Articulate and truly moving. I’m in tears here.

[Dyslexic cnut]

51 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Jack Spratt could eat no fat,

His wife could eat no lean,

So Jack ignored her flabby cunt and licked her arsehole clean.

Jack Spratt is currently on a Jet2 flight to….

[southerncunt]

15 hours ago, Joker said:

You mentioned the 'fat cunts and bastards', where do the wankers come into the equation?

They just did. 
 

Dogshit hoarding cock smoker.

[Jiggerycock]

16 hours ago, Joker said:

You mentioned the 'fat cunts and bastards', where do the wankers come into the equation?

Yes!!

They can hardly reach around their sweaty mass of adipose tissue to be able to pull / push themselves off now are they?

Don't think the OP has thought this one through

Answer! Answer!!

[Jiggerycock]

19 hours ago, White Cunt said:

They are superior at being wedged into airline seats, with the overflow of sixty percent onto the adjacent ones. I wrote a post about my harrowing experience with those fuckers years ago.

I know - yet you go a fucking micron over EasyJet's weight allowance for suitcases and they slap you with charges only Jeff Bezos can afford!

Where's the justice in that

("Easyjet - you wouldn't get into my golf club" Save you the bother Punkers, assuming you're not in the cooler this week)

[Dyslexic cnut]

57 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

I know - yet you go a fucking micron over EasyJet's weight allowance for suitcases and they slap you with charges only Jeff Bezos can afford!

Where's the justice in that

("Easyjet - you wouldn't get into my golf club" Save you the bother Punkers, assuming you're not in the cooler this week)

UK airlines use standard weights for passengers and baggage Jiggo. The whole thing is wildly inaccurate and utter bollocks. The logic being that the heavier the aircraft the more fuel it burns and therefore the larger its carbon footprint on any given flight. The con is, you the passenger are paying what is in effect a green tax. It falls on its arse when the standard baggage weight used is between 15-17kgs for hold baggage (suitcases) when many airlines give you a free 20-25kgs allowance. No weight is standardised for cabin baggage (which some then charge you for) or fat cunts (69kgs for a woman, 83kgs for a man, 35kgs for children on longhaul.) As a consequence, your average aeroplane is far heavier than the ‘calculation’ and its fuel burn, carbon footprint is higher/larger. The worst culprit is Ryanair who are an industry disgrace. O’Leary needs feeding to the pigs, the smarmy accountant cunt.

[Jiggerycock]

1 minute ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

UK airlines use standard weights for passengers and baggage Jiggo. The whole thing is wildly inaccurate and utter bollocks. The logic being that the heavier the aircraft the more fuel it burns and therefore the larger its carbon footprint on any given flight. The con is, you the passenger are paying what is in effect a green tax. It falls on its arse when the standard baggage weight used is between 15-17kgs for hold baggage (suitcases) when many airlines give you a free 20-25kgs allowance. No weight is standardised for cabin baggage (which some then charge you for) or fat cunts (69kgs for a woman, 83kgs for a man, 35kgs for children on longhaul.) As a consequence, your average aeroplane is far heavier than the ‘calculation’ and its fuel burn, carbon footprint is higher/larger. The worst culprit is Ryanair who are an industry disgrace. O’Leary needs feeding to the pigs, the smarmy accountant cunt.

Interesting stuff (seriously for once)

My niece is a waif of a thing but was done for being a gnats chuff of an ounce over her baggage allowance on this one flight she was taking. Naturally, she divvied up (I mean, what choice do you have at that point?)

She gets on the flight only to be confronted with the scenario outlined previously, i.e. Barbapapa next to her, pseudopodia flopping all over her side of the armrest and already chowing down on the donuts they've bought on board to stave off the hunger pangs in the one hour hop to Zurich they were undertaking.

Can't these airlines introduce a Corpulence Tax? I mean you've got to put your cabin baggage into a casket to see if it's the correct size? Why can't they have some kind of Iron Maiden-type device folks have to strap into to see if they're too fucking porky to fit into a seat / affect the aerodynamics of the plane? And if they are, they pay up .....or have immediate liposuction, without anaesthetic or post-operative care, to get them down to a weight slightly less than a baby elephant?

[Dyslexic cnut]

8 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

Interesting stuff (seriously for once)

My niece is a waif of a thing but was done for being a gnats chuff of an ounce over her baggage allowance on this one flight she was taking. Naturally, she divvied up (I mean, what choice do you have at that point?)

She gets on the flight only to be confronted with the scenario outlined previously, i.e. Barbapapa next to her, pseudopodia flopping all over her side of the armrest and already chowing down on the donuts they've bought on board to stave off the hunger pangs in the one hour hop to Zurich they were undertaking.

Can't these airlines introduce a Corpulence Tax? I mean you've got to put your cabin baggage into a casket to see if it's the correct size? Why can't they have some kind of Iron Maiden-type device folks have to strap into to see if they're too fucking porky to fit into a seat / affect the aerodynamics of the plane? And if they are, they pay up .....or have immediate liposuction, without anaesthetic or post-operative care, to get them down to a weight slightly less than a baby elephant?

Half the whale-arse hosties would be unemployed these days. Once upon a time, the cart tarts used to be weighed & measured monthly and got sacked for erring towards chunkiness. It always makes me laugh when you see some poor fucker at check-in having to move weighty items from one suitcase to the other because one is 2kgs over their weight allowance...it’s still going onboard the aircraft you daft cunts. You can fuck Ryanair over if you don’t carry any baggage at all and actually wear all of the clothes you need. It’s cheaper to buy new clobber in resort then leave it there if your doing a short break or going to some third world shitpot like India with another airline. 
As an aside, if they sat all of the fat cunts towards the rear of the aircraft after take-off, the machine would be more fuel-efficient due to the CofG moving aft. The logical argument applies if you are under the ‘standard’ weights you should get a discount/free duty-free/ travel voucher for your efforts. Or a rimming session with a trolley-dolly of your choosing in the bogs.

[White Cunt]

1 hour ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

UK airlines use standard weights for passengers and baggage Jiggo. The whole thing is wildly inaccurate and utter bollocks. The logic being that the heavier the aircraft the more fuel it burns and therefore the larger its carbon footprint on any given flight. The con is, you the passenger are paying what is in effect a green tax. It falls on its arse when the standard baggage weight used is between 15-17kgs for hold baggage (suitcases) when many airlines give you a free 20-25kgs allowance. No weight is standardised for cabin baggage (which some then charge you for) or fat cunts (69kgs for a woman, 83kgs for a man, 35kgs for children on longhaul.) As a consequence, your average aeroplane is far heavier than the ‘calculation’ and its fuel burn, carbon footprint is higher/larger. The worst culprit is Ryanair who are an industry disgrace. O’Leary needs feeding to the pigs, the smarmy accountant cunt.

Clearly, there is the "humane factor" to not weigh the whales as they waddle through security scans and collate the real cost of the flying pigs. Which is why those fat fucks fly at discount, given total weight of the fat bastard and his sea-going container of xxxl "essentials".

[Wolfie]

4 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

UK airlines use standard weights for passengers and baggage Jiggo. The whole thing is wildly inaccurate and utter bollocks. The logic being that the heavier the aircraft the more fuel it burns and therefore the larger its carbon footprint on any given flight. The con is, you the passenger are paying what is in effect a green tax. It falls on its arse when the standard baggage weight used is between 15-17kgs for hold baggage (suitcases) when many airlines give you a free 20-25kgs allowance. No weight is standardised for cabin baggage (which some then charge you for) or fat cunts (69kgs for a woman, 83kgs for a man, 35kgs for children on longhaul.) As a consequence, your average aeroplane is far heavier than the ‘calculation’ and its fuel burn, carbon footprint is higher/larger. The worst culprit is Ryanair who are an industry disgrace. O’Leary needs feeding to the pigs, the smarmy accountant cunt.

This is the sort of spiteful, bitchy and technical comment one might expect of a disgruntled former Ryanair steward, DC. Just sayin'.

[Dyslexic cnut]

19 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

This is the sort of spiteful, bitchy and technical comment one might expect of a disgruntled former Ryanair steward, DC. Just sayin'.

Never met a chutney-ferreting mincey  steward who knew anything about modern jet lift/drag/thrust/weight ratios and co-efficients Wolfo. I do loathe O’Leary though. Even the micks are sick of his shenanigans now, like buying a black cab so he can drive around Dub in the bus/taxi lanes. The man’s a cunt.

[Dyslexic cnut]

6 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

I know - yet you go a fucking micron over EasyJet's weight allowance for suitcases and they slap you with charges only Jeff Bezos can afford!

Where's the justice in that

("Easyjet - you wouldn't get into my golf club" Save you the bother Punkers, assuming you're not in the cooler this week)

He’s in there ‘indefinitely’ Jiggo.

[camberwell gypsy]

1 minute ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

He’s in there ‘indefinitely’ Jiggo.

I'm sure his make believe golfing buddies will be laughing into their G&Ts 

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

On 18/05/2021 at 21:50, Goober said:

Harvey? 

No, it's name is Fatcunta Bedridden and it's a dear friend of mine. Would you like an introduction?

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

Witchdoctor Raas has the day off and decided to watch some daytime TV shite. What with me being a very good cook, I decided to watch that fat cunt Tom Kerridge and a load of fat cunts trying to lose weight. Lol.

Firstly you have Tom showing everyone pictures of himself weighing 30 stone, yes 30 fucking stone and then bragging he's lost 12 stone, thing his he's still a fat 18 stone fucking cunt and should shut the fuck up. Of course said fat bastard Tom is advising his fat cunt 'friends' taking part in the show... Zero fat this, 1 calorie spray that, bake this, what a load of fucking bollocks. We need fat, and we need protein to feel full and fat in moderation is good for you, give me full fat real milk and proper butter anyday. We've got it totally wrong in this carbohydrate obsessed country and you only need to look at the general population around you to see loads of fat, unhealthy bastards everywhere. I believe mass farming and the modern diet was created to feed the ever increasing population cheaply and to provide energy for the plebs to work physically demanding jobs etc. Nowadays most people still eat masses of carbs and sit on their ever increasing fat arses in offices. Fat cunts are ill, this illness has infected society and we're now supposed feel sorry for these cunts who can't stop shoving the food in their fat faces. One disgusting thirty something woman on the show got all upset because she has diabetes and high blood pressure, am I supposed to feel sorry for you? At the end of the shit show they all get on a boat to celebrate losing some poxy amount of weight and good old Tom provided a healthy Buffet of course. What a waste of fucking time. Remember unused carbohydrates turn to glucose in your body, think about that when stuffing a whole pizza. Try fasting for 8 hours also like your hunter gatherer ancestors did for days at a time you fat fucking stupid cunts. Lol

[Stubby Pecker]

2 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Witchdoctor Raas has the day off and decided to watch some daytime TV shite. What with me being a very good cook, I decided to watch that fat cunt Tom Kerridge and a load of fat cunts trying to lose weight. Lol.

Firstly you have Tom showing everyone pictures of himself weighing 30 stone, yes 30 fucking stone and then bragging he's lost 12 stone, thing his he's still a fat 18 stone fucking cunt and should shut the fuck up. Of course said fat bastard Tom is advising his fat cunt 'friends' taking part in the show... Zero fat this, 1 calorie spray that, bake this, what a load of fucking bollocks. We need fat, and we need protein to feel full and fat in moderation is good for you, give me full fat real milk and proper butter anyday. We've got it totally wrong in this carbohydrate obsessed country and you only need to look at the general population around you to see loads of fat, unhealthy bastards everywhere. I believe mass farming and the modern diet was created to feed the ever increasing population cheaply and to provide energy for the plebs to work physically demanding jobs etc. Nowadays most people still eat masses of carbs and sit on their ever increasing fat arses in offices. Fat cunts are ill, this illness has infected society and we're now supposed feel sorry for these cunts who can't stop shoving the food in their fat faces. One disgusting thirty something woman on the show got all upset because she has diabetes and high blood pressure, am I supposed to feel sorry for you? At the end of the shit show they all get on a boat to celebrate losing some poxy amount of weight and good old Tom provided a healthy Buffet of course. What a waste of fucking time. Remember unused carbohydrates turn to glucose in your body, think about that when stuffing a whole pizza. Try fasting for 8 hours also like your hunter gatherer ancestors did for days at a time you fat fucking stupid cunts. Lol

Indeed. Its the carbohydrates silly cunts stuff down their gobs which makes them fatties. Simple carbs like sugars give instant energy, complex ones like pasta, bread, rice etc release energy slowly. Unless we burn these through our lifestyle, they are converted to fat to be stored either around our guts or arse, or more seriously, around our hearts or arteries. As we get older our metabolism slows so cutting down or cutting out completely these complex carbs is a good idea. Daft bastards who wolf down a whole pizza and chips will be taking on enough carbs to take on a mountain stage of the Tour de France the day after.

You can bet your arse sales of exercise equipment and gym memberships will be going through the fucking roof right now, whereas a simple change to a healthy diet and moderate exercise would save millions both for the consumer and the NHS for years to come. I can genuinely see fat cunts being charged for their healthcare in the future and quite fucking right too. I'd happily render the lumps of human blubber down for burning in power stations or fish food or feeding the 3rd world.

In one piece of bullshite media we're told living standards are falling, yet in another, people are getting fatter. The 2 go hand in hand.

[Mike Hunt]

Now that fat women have been rebranded "curvy" (WTF, that's an insult to all Page 3 girl types), do the blokes just get called obese? Asking for a fat friend.

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

5 minutes ago, Mike Hunt said:

Now that fat women have been rebranded "curvy" (WTF, that's an insult to all Page 3 girl types), do the blokes just get called obese? Asking for a fat friend.

In this equality age we live in fat men are generally called fat fucking cunts, curves on women are celebrated and rightly so (to a point) after all, it's the curves that attract a man to a woman right and who wants a flat arsed woman? 

[and]

9 minutes ago, Mike Hunt said:

Now that fat women have been rebranded "curvy" (WTF, that's an insult to all Page 3 girl types), do the blokes just get called obese? Asking for a fat friend.

Well built.

[Mike Hunt]

I'm talking fat enough that you can't even find their cunt so there's nothing to be attracted to.

[and]

3 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

after all, it's the curves that attract a man to a woman

A healthy bank balance doesn't do any harm!💰🤑

[Cuntybaws]

11 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Daft bastards who wolf down a whole pizza and chips will be taking on enough carbs to take on a mountain stage of the Tour de France the day after.

If this breakfast of champions is deep fried for long enough the carbs become trapped and can be safely consumed. And as long as you then eat the whole thing in less than a minute, the calories don't have time to be fully absorbed.

The best tip is simply to develop aggressive cancer, then you can eat whatever you like without putting on weight,

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

1 minute ago, cunt said:

A healthy bank balance doesn't do any harm!💰🤑

I have my own money Cunt and certainly don't deliberately go after wealthy women, even though there are plenty in my part of town. Are you that shallow, you'd fuck some munter, because she has a few quid?