Getting old(er)

[The Beast]

Fucking brilliant getting older. Now women in their 50's seem attractive too.

 

[Decimus]

15 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I am sure there are a fair few old cunts on here and we are all ageing but getting old is a right cunt isn't it?

Wiry hairs growing out my ears, eyebrows, and nose, anywhere but my actual head.

Groaning as you stand up, sometimes when you don't even need to.

Feeling like a dirty old cunt when you look at 20 something ladies.

Pissing more often.

Getting bitter and hating the world and the cunts within it.

Never mind eh, hopefully I won't be shitting the bed for at least 30 years. 

 

 

 

 

An apt and timely nomination, Raas. I stared at myself in the mirror this afternoon and noticed that my ear lobes were alive with hair, like some sort of poorly endowed Basset Hound. Whilst I was taking this in, I then also saw a dozen or so grey hairs sprinkled across my temple, the first I've ever seen.

Now it's almost two in the morning and I can't sleep because my dinner was too salty and I forgot to bring a glass of squash to bed. If this is how 35 feels, 70 seems like an absolutely fucking terrifying prospect.

[ProfB]

5 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You do seem to be full of beans.

🤭 I am.

[cuntspotter]

5 hours ago, The Beast said:

Fucking brilliant getting older. Now women in their 50's seem attractive too.

 

A bonus indeed!

[Dyslexic cnut]

5 hours ago, Decimus said:

An apt and timely nomination, Raas. I stared at myself in the mirror this afternoon and noticed that my ear lobes were alive with hair, like some sort of poorly endowed Basset Hound. Whilst I was taking this in, I then also saw a dozen or so grey hairs sprinkled across my temple, the first I've ever seen.

Now it's almost two in the morning and I can't sleep because my dinner was too salty and I forgot to bring a glass of squash to bed. If this is how 35 feels, 70 seems like an absolutely fucking terrifying prospect.

Whippersnapper...tell me you’re bluffing? I’ve stayed quite regular as I get older. Every morning, with Swiss watch precision, a steady and strong piss stream at 6.00am, a firm shite at 7.10am. Only downside is I don’t wake up until 8.00am.

[Cunty BigBollox]

Eyesight, absence of head hair and bladder capacity seems to be the only things that remind me I'm an older cunt of 51.

[Eddie]

10 hours ago, Witheredscrote said:

Back in the early '60s they used to play this, and similar, at my local cinema, before the film started.  It used to get the girls in the mood for an up mini skirt groping, when the lights dimmed. My fingers still stink.

Just how Fucking old are you? And it’s not just your fingers that stink..

[cuntspotter]

I’d lost my hair by 30. Shaved it then to keep it tidy. I retired at 55. But, now back at work.. lost 100lbs in weight. Have managed to dodge type 2 diabetes and hypertension.  I need the spectacles but at 62 I’m doing ok. Just to add that yesterday I found a Barbour coat and a suede jacket from c&a from more than 30 years ago. The buggers fit! Hurrah

[Old Chap Raasclaat]

8 hours ago, ProfB said:

How old are you?

I was born in 1876, so I am at least 70. 

[Hammer of Cunts]

45 minutes ago, cuntspotter said:

I’d lost my hair by 30. Shaved it then to keep it tidy.

I did this too, at about 40, an amusing side-effect being the reaction of congenital slap-heads to voluntary baldness.

[Stubby Pecker]

7 hours ago, Decimus said:

An apt and timely nomination, Raas. I stared at myself in the mirror this afternoon and noticed that my ear lobes were alive with hair, like some sort of poorly endowed Basset Hound. Whilst I was taking this in, I then also saw a dozen or so grey hairs sprinkled across my temple, the first I've ever seen.

Now it's almost two in the morning and I can't sleep because my dinner was too salty and I forgot to bring a glass of squash to bed. If this is how 35 feels, 70 seems like an absolutely fucking terrifying prospect.

Fuck me, what I wouldn't give to be 35 again and be able to do a bout of exercise and not have to spend the next few days groaning in agonising muscle pain- make the most of it, if gets far fucking worse. But if I could really turn the clock back 10 years I'd head straight to the shed and lop of my balls will something sharp so as not to suffer the crippling slow death of parenthood...

 

2 hours ago, cuntspotter said:

A bonus indeed!

A few years ago a mother and daughter combo was serving us a wonderful cricket tea. The younger of the 2 was early 20s, nubile and busty. However, I found myself far more attracted to the mum. That's when I gave up. It'll be the grannies next. 

 

1 hour ago, cuntspotter said:

I’d lost my hair by 30. Shaved it then to keep it tidy. I retired at 55. But, now back at work.. lost 100lbs in weight. Have managed to dodge type 2 diabetes and hypertension.  I need the spectacles but at 62 I’m doing ok. Just to add that yesterday I found a Barbour coat and a suede jacket from c&a from more than 30 years ago. The buggers fit! Hurrah

Interesting parallels. I buzzed my hair off a few years earlier than that for the same reason, thus dispelling the ponytailed, tree hugging Tim moniker cast upon me. Hair is hugely overrated. But there's no fucking way I'll be retiring at 55

[southerncunt]

47. Weathered and fucked from the sun down here. Any vestiges of attractiveness slowly wore away over the last decade.

When I grew a beard in my younger days, it had a fair bit in ginger in it. Now if I do it, it’s mostly grey.

There’s a win I guess.

[Hammer of Cunts]

I've neither shaved nor worn a tie since the day I left school (I've also never changed a nappy nor used an iron). My beard is a millennial.

[Witheredscrote]

14 hours ago, Decimus said:

This is more you, bby xx

 

You stupid fucking cunt.

[Witheredscrote]

1 hour ago, southerncunt said:

47. Weathered and fucked from the sun down here. Any vestiges of attractiveness slowly wore away over the last decade.

When I grew a beard in my younger days, it had a fair bit in ginger in it. Now if I do it, it’s mostly grey.

There’s a win I guess.

If I stuck my face in Roops minge, mine would have more than a fair bit of ginger too.

[Witheredscrote]

3 hours ago, cuntspotter said:

I’d lost my hair by 30. Shaved it then to keep it tidy. I retired at 55. But, now back at work.. lost 100lbs in weight. Have managed to dodge type 2 diabetes and hypertension.  I need the spectacles but at 62 I’m doing ok. Just to add that yesterday I found a Barbour coat and a suede jacket from c&a from more than 30 years ago. The buggers fit! Hurrah

I'm 72,  never completely retired, had cancer surgery in 2013,  massive heart attack in 2014, followed by quatre pontage op.  Cancer returned in 2015, followed by radiotherapy. Underwent a penis reduction procedure last year, and donated the surplus 4" to @Eddie, as the poor sod needed it.

[White Cunt]

1 hour ago, southerncunt said:

47. Weathered and fucked from the sun down here. Any vestiges of attractiveness slowly wore away over the last decade.

When I grew a beard in my younger days, it had a fair bit in ginger in it. Now if I do it, it’s mostly grey.

There’s a win I guess.

There is always a silver lining, SC. If you live long enough and save the trimmings, it should suffice to tuft a fancy, tweedy rug, for ones' knees.

[Witheredscrote]

4 hours ago, Eddie said:

Just how Fucking old are you? And it’s not just your fingers that stink..

Fuck off.

[Dyslexic cnut]

7 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I'm 72,  never completely retired, had cancer surgery in 2013,  massive heart attack in 2014, followed by quatre pontage op.  Cancer returned in 2015, followed by radiotherapy. Underwent a penis reduction procedure last year, and donated the surplus 4" to @Eddie, as the poor sod needed it.

You’re a goddamn miracle of modern science Withers. God bless you.

[Dyslexic cnut]

12 hours ago, ProfB said:

57

What, months? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, you tapped twat?

[Decimus]

35 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Underwent a penis reduction procedure last year, and donated the surplus 4" to @Eddie, as the poor sod needed it.

Your poor geese, half an inch must barely touch the sides.

Lol

Fuck off

 

 

[Goober]

11 hours ago, The Beast said:

Fucking brilliant getting older. Now women in their 50's seem attractive too.

 

That's just your eyesight going. I hope it doesn't deteriorate any further because christ only knows where that might end. 

[Goober]

4 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Fuck me, what I wouldn't give to be 35 again and be able to do a bout of exercise and not have to spend the next few days groaning in agonising muscle pain- make the most of it, if gets far fucking worse. But if I could really turn the clock back 10 years I'd head straight to the shed and lop of my balls will something sharp so as not to suffer the crippling slow death of parenthood...

 

A few years ago a mother and daughter combo was serving us a wonderful cricket tea. The younger of the 2 was early 20s, nubile and busty. However, I found myself far more attracted to the mum. That's when I gave up. It'll be the grannies next. 

 

Interesting parallels. I buzzed my hair off a few years earlier than that for the same reason, thus dispelling the ponytailed, tree hugging Tim moniker cast upon me. Hair is hugely overrated. But there's no fucking way I'll be retiring at 55

Cricket was what made me realise I was getting old. One season you're fine, the next it took a week to recover from 12 overs off a long run up before doing it again the following weekend. It got to the point where I prayed for rain at the weekends. 

[Goober]

3 hours ago, southerncunt said:

47. Weathered and fucked from the sun down here. Any vestiges of attractiveness slowly wore away over the last decade.

When I grew a beard in my younger days, it had a fair bit in ginger in it. Now if I do it, it’s mostly grey.

There’s a win I guess.

40 Woodbines a day will do that. 

[White Cunt]

18 hours ago, The Beast said:

Fucking brilliant getting older. Now women in their 50's seem attractive too.

 

Only under size fourteen, though.