Jiggerycock Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 43 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said: We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. At the least the cunt hasn't said "oooh how rich do you feel"? When asked for a quote. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 39 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said: At the least the cunt hasn't said "oooh how rich do you feel"? When asked for a quote. I like it when they want a fixed price; like most tradesmen, I just double the cost of the last similar job. You never know what could go wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Jiggerycock said: We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. At least he didn't walk in holding his crotch and say... "You got any daughters blud?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said: At least he didn't walk in holding his crotch and say... "You got any daughters blud?" Totally unrelated, but I saw serial-homosexualist Stephen K. Amos on telly the other day in some bollocks documentary. He was on screen a total of 45 seconds before mentioning that he's a black man. Batty fudge packing cunt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Cuntman Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 minutes ago, Decimus said: Totally unrelated, but I saw serial-homosexualist Stephen K. Amos on telly the other day in some bollocks documentary. He was on screen a total of 45 seconds before mentioning that he's a black man. Batty fudge packing cunt. The only black comedians that ever cut the mustard were Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. Reginald D Hunter isn't bad, but his biggest asset is his voice. The southern accent and voice tone are pure gold for audio books and jackanory type stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 13 minutes ago, Decimus said: He was on screen a total of 45 seconds before mentioning that he's a black man. I think it's good of him to say that, so that blind people know to hate him too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: He's a total fucking jerkoff. It's not this cunt, is it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 35 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said: It's not this cunt, is it? I confidently envisage this is precisely how @'eavensabove looks and behaves in the real world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunty BigBollox Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. You get what you pay for, you tight cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 25 minutes ago, Wolfie said: I confidently envisage this is precisely how @'eavensabove looks and behaves in the real world. I was quite literally just wondering where Jazz had got to. His account is in danger of being deleted due to inactivity, meaning we'll lose some of his absolutely classic, bat shit crazy posts. Still, in hundreds of years time his prefab chalet in Hemsby will still be on the sea floor. Imagine the excitement of some future aquatic archeologist stumbling upon it. Sifting through the mud, hands quivering with excitement at what historically important artifacts he's going to uncover. Then imagine how fucked off he'll be when all he resurfaces with are a half dozen, cheap glass cat ornaments and a few cum-stained David Bowie figurines. What an absolute fucking tosser. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hammer of Cunts Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said: Reginald D Hunter He's a really nice chap. I sold him some blow a few years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Chap Raasclaat Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. I predict a future corner nomination in 2070 for tradesmen who use 2020 vocabulary. 'Listen blood, I'm here to fix the ting yeah, so keep the fuck out my way yeah, oh and fam...put da kettle on yeah'. 'Would you like a biscuit with you tea Mr tradesman? 'Nah, I got a fat spliff of Stardog skunk instead innit, but fanks doh'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Farthing Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 3 hours ago, Jiggerycock said: We've got a builder in at the moment, and, cutting to the chase, he's definitely been dropped in from some Enid Blyton novel. "If either you or your good lady wife could leave access to the vestibule, well that would be tickertyboo" I fucking shit ye not. Cunt goes off to Wickes to buy a Tamping Wopple or whatever, comes back and as agreed, cross charges us for the purchase "...and that'll be twelve pounds and sixty-six of your new pence.......Thanking You......and I'll be back in at five and twenty past one to afix this to the joist" I feel like I've slipped through a crack in the space : time continuum talking to this cretin. "Trades Unions! Fancy name for loafers, says I! Perishers and scallywags the lot of 'em! Doubtless send their scullerymaids to the new world for a termination, saints preserve us" He's a total fucking jerkoff. Were you cross. Did you say golly gosh oh bother? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 Best check your wife's knicker drawer for crusty cum flakes, sounds like a proper wanker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 53 minutes ago, Decimus said: I was quite literally just wondering where Jazz had got to. His account is in danger of being deleted due to inactivity, meaning we'll lose some of his absolutely classic, bat shit crazy posts. Still, in hundreds of years time his prefab chalet in Hemsby will still be on the sea floor. Imagine the excitement of some future aquatic archeologist stumbling upon it. Sifting through the mud, hands quivering with excitement at what historically important artifacts he's going to uncover. Then imagine how fucked off he'll be when all he resurfaces with are a half dozen, cheap glass cat ornaments and a few cum-stained David Bowie figurines. What an absolute fucking tosser. He was an absolutely spectacular idiot, and I am full of genuine optimism when I think Covid-19 might have been the end of him. But few could ever accuse the bullshitting dickhead of being boring or lacking creativity, not with some unique creations such as Dame Widow Fwanky and Son of A Weimaraner Frank among them. Just imagine the diagnosis after the archeologist hands his phone or tablet to the lab for psychological analysis, when they discover his online browsing data. Ours are the type of comments that would usually drive the reactive, chaffinch-brained dimwit insane with rage, so if we don't receive a response within the next 24-48 hours, we must assume he's completely dead. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 12 minutes ago, Neil said: Best check your wife's knicker drawer for crusty cum flakes, sounds like a proper wanker I suspect this phrase has been uttered frequently among friends of your clients. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted June 1, 2021 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: At least he didn't walk in holding his crotch and say... "You got any daughters blud?" This cunt is more likely to walk in clutching a signed photo of Denis Compton and a tin of Brylcreem 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ape™️ Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Decimus said: I was quite literally just wondering where Jazz had got to. His account is in danger of being deleted due to inactivity, meaning we'll lose some of his absolutely classic, bat shit crazy posts. Still, in hundreds of years time his prefab chalet in Hemsby will still be on the sea floor. Imagine the excitement of some future aquatic archeologist stumbling upon it. Sifting through the mud, hands quivering with excitement at what historically important artifacts he's going to uncover. Then imagine how fucked off he'll be when all he resurfaces with are a half dozen, cheap glass cat ornaments and a few cum-stained David Bowie figurines. What an absolute fucking tosser. I look back upon the Jazz era of CC with misty-eyed nostalgia. Yes, he was a fucking maniac, but when he was gunning for Frank and the infamous Bozo Boys, it was pure comedy gold. We’ve got some seriously unhinged fucking idiots on here these days, but not one of them comes close to delivering the pure lunacy of Jazz / ‘Eavens. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 10 minutes ago, Ape™️ said: I look back upon the Jazz era of CC with misty-eyed nostalgia. Yes, he was a fucking maniac, but when he was gunning for Frank and the infamous Bozo Boys, it was pure comedy gold. We’ve got some seriously unhinged fucking idiots on here these days, but not one of them comes close to delivering the pure lunacy of Jazz / ‘Eavens. He had passion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said: The only black comedians that ever cut the mustard were Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. Reginald D Hunter isn't bad, but his biggest asset is his voice. The southern accent and voice tone are pure gold for audio books and jackanory type stuff. Most black and ethnic comedians base their material on their colour or ethnicity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 43 minutes ago, Wolfie said: He was an absolutely spectacular idiot, and I am full of genuine optimism when I think Covid-19 might have been the end of him. But few could ever accuse the bullshitting dickhead of being boring or lacking creativity, not with some unique creations such as Dame Widow Fwanky and Son of A Weimaraner Frank among them. Just imagine the diagnosis after the archeologist hands his phone or tablet to the lab for psychological analysis, when they discover his online browsing data. Ours are the type of comments that would usually drive the reactive, chaffinch-brained dimwit insane with rage, so if we don't receive a response within the next 24-48 hours, we must assume he's completely dead. When I published my own rendition of the Big Bopper's 'Chantilly Lace'.. alluding to Jazz Junior's physical and mental shortcomings, he went absolutely mental. Dame Widow Fwankie featured in no less than 18 JibJab videos. I miss him, I really do. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 9 minutes ago, Frank said: When I published my own rendition of the Big Bopper's 'Chantilly Lace'.. alluding to Jazz Junior's physical and mental shortcomings, he went absolutely mental. Dame Widow Fwankie featured in no less than 18 JibJab videos. I miss him, I really do. Golden moments indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cuntybaws Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 8 minutes ago, Frank said: When I published my own rendition of the Big Bopper's 'Chantilly Lace'.. alluding to Jazz Junior's physical and mental shortcomings... You're getting confused with your other magnum opus, "All That Jazz", an easy mistake to make as you got a ban for both of them. "Your son’s got three eyes, a-normal he’s not" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 16 minutes ago, Frank said: When I published my own rendition of the Big Bopper's 'Chantilly Lace'.. alluding to Jazz Junior's physical and mental shortcomings, he went absolutely mental. Dame Widow Fwankie featured in no less than 18 JibJab videos. I miss him, I really do. More of this please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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