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People who buy furniture at John Lewis


Last Cunt Standing

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2 hours ago, Cockyroach said:

The Honey Monster must be seriously desperate for a fuck to let that little miss piggy impersonator bleed the treasury dry. I'd rather rub my bell-end on a briar-patch than blow my beans into that posh fucking dustbin.

Posh birds are quite often utterly debauched so I bet she takes it up the arse on a regular basis then licks his chopper clean afterward.

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13 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Word reaches me that the current subject of discourse in the British press is that of where people buy their furniture. I gather the current paramour of St Boris of Astra-Zeneca has decreed that only contemptible filth would furnish their pad with the sort of garbage you might find in John Lewis. Indeed there are untouchables currently gasping for oxygen under scraps of corrugated tin in the Mumbai slums who would no doubt shun a coffee table from their last catalogue. Quite what Carrie Antoinette, as she is now forever dubbed, thinks goes on in that big blue and yellow warehouse on the North Circular is perhaps not worth knowing. Anyway, without a drop of sarcasm, I think it entirely fitting and in no way Cuntish that the ruling class get to argue about how much gold wallpaper one might get away with as a tax right-off this year, while the rest of the plebs fret about whether they can justify a new winter coat.

If ever there was a story which reveals in how much contempt the public are held by those wankers currently in charge, it’s this one. It’s almost Ceausescu level fuck-you-erry and in most parts of the world there would be a baying mob at the gates of number ten by nightfall. Instead, it’ll get the usual round of tutting and eye rolling. Alan Clarke once famously described someone as being “the sort of people who buy their own furniture”. I don’t think he was paying compliments. If you’ve seen the fucking state of the decor in question there’s even more spleen to be vented. Reminiscent of the Indus Restaurant, Doncaster, about 1990.

Cunts for doing it, cunts for tolerating it, and cunts for nothing ever changing. 

Fuck off etc. 

I don't buy owt from John Lewis anymore, they are Cuntbreeds. I received an handwritten message telling me my local store was open - desperate much? They've got nowt in there, just beige kecks - I want hot pink kecks in tencel, oh yes. Or microfibre is nice. Or satin, so my butt, feels nice to the touch.

To be honest, I'd rather go bollock naked then enter a JL store again.

Love ProfB XXX

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3 hours ago, Cockyroach said:

Never mind all that Harry - the best sex-toy, bar-none is a simple bio-degradable plastic bag. No assembly needed, just stick it over your head and tie the handles around your neck.

I guarantee it will induce a mind-blowing orgasm - mine, as I watch you rolling around on the floor gasping for breath, a beautiful purple hue on your stupid fucking face.

You're welcome.

You clearly want to be in on the passing of a celebrity. 

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1 hour ago, ProfB said:

I don't buy owt from John Lewis anymore, they are Cuntbreeds. I received an handwritten message telling me my local store was open - desperate much? They've got nowt in there, just beige kecks - I want hot pink kecks in tencel, oh yes. Or microfibre is nice. Or satin, so my butt, feels nice to the touch.

To be honest, I'd rather go bollock naked then enter a JL store again.

Love ProfB XXX

We're all aware of your clothes preferences, unfortunately. 

ev3.jpg

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7 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said:

Typo peasant...

One hooondredd and ehhhtehhhh.

Scum.

I'd imagine you've no need to purchase furniture from John Lewis as your strapping African lover's are more than capable of stealing charity shop donations in the dead of night. 

Fuck off, lol, ect... 

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Just now, Major Cunt said:

I'd imagine you've no need to purchase furniture from John Lewis as your strapping African lover's are norw more than capable of stealing charity shop donations in the dead of night. 

Fuck off, lol, ect... 

Punkers has to shop at expensive establishments. Flimsy, lightweight, cheap furniture doesn't cut it. 

Mtembe wouldn't want to be consumed by his capacious arsehole, so he has to tie his legs to something substantial. 

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I can see where this is going. Straight up Knightsbridge and the fur(niture) dept Harvey Nicks. After you have splashed out on me let's pop into the Park Tower Hotel Casino? The fucking doorman there is built like a brick shit outhouse and I'm sure a threesome can be arranged. Complimentary prayer mats in the wardrobes with the extra pillows. 

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23 hours ago, Earl of Punkape said:

Typo peasant...

One hooondredd and ehhhtehhhh.

Scum.

'Typo' my arse. It's painfully obvious your English skills have more in common with the Harvester menu than the English dictionary. 

You consistently self-embarrassing, Pot Noodle-snorting, 1998 Ford Escort-driving chavvy faggot cunt. 

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21 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

'Typo' my arse. It's painfully obvious your English skills have more in common with the Harvester menu than the English dictionary. 

You consistently self-embarrassing, Pot Noodle-snorting, 1998 Ford Escort-driving chavvy faggot cunt. 

“My arse”

What sort of English is that you fucking oik.

No doubt your clarion call when wandering round louche areas of Kings Cross or Hampstead Heath with your organ hanging out...

lol.

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2 minutes ago, Earl of Punkape said:

“My arse”

What sort of English is that you fucking oik.

No doubt your clarion call when wandering round louche areas of Kings Cross or Hampstead Heath with your organ hanging out...

lol.

Don't worry he's after the Regency style butt plugs, matching pair, need refurb, I've specifically reserved for you. 

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At least the fucking Hamiltons accepted lovely jubbly in envelopes from Harrods - not fucking sticks of furniture and cushions. No fucking class. 

It didn't take long for the fucking sleaze ball to lose the respect or confidence of the public - just like when he was Mayor. Repeat performance. 

If Gove is the heir apparent then fuck me: WE'RE WELL AND TRULY UP THE SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE 

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1 minute ago, ChildeHarold said:

At least the fucking Hamiltons accepted lovely jubbly in envelopes from Harrods - not fucking sticks of furniture and cushions. No fucking class. 

It didn't take long for the fucking sleaze ball to lose the respect or confidence of the public - just like when he was Mayor. Repeat performance. 

If Gove is the heir apparent then fuck me: WE'RE WELL AND TRULY UP THE SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE 

Only Sir Nigel of Farage can save us now. The Brian Clough of politics.

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